All things ENFP

Are only Introverts shy around their crushes?

I saw a video on why people become shy around their crushes. The video was very dichotomous and essentially said that only introverted people feel shy around their crushes and extroverted people don't experience shyness around their crushes since they tend to be more confident socially. 

Now this YouTube channel is a beauty related channel (It was QOVES Studio) where they discuss things like facial harmony and whatnot, however, this video crossed the line into psychology and personality traits. I thought it would be interesting to apply the lens of MBTI, and Jungian Cognitive functions, and my personal experience to say why I disagree with this. 

Personal experience time: I have always been shy around my crushes and the last person I dated asked me if I had trouble with eye contact, and I had to explain that I have trouble making eye contact with people I am attracted to. I am an ENFP (granted I would identify as an ambivert, but I use an extroverted function as my dominant function. My brain is wired in an extroverted way.) So, while I am an extrovert, I still experience shyness and social anxiety, traits that are often associated with introverts, especially feeling introverts. I become shy or confident depending on the situation and if I believe I can be comfortable around that person/people. 

Now QOVES studio seemed to be right about one thing. Feeling shy around your crush comes from a belief that your crush is superior to you. I couldn't agree more. The shyness also comes from the anxiety that your crush may reject you. 

I honestly feel like a fear of rejection is a more extroverted trait. Because introverts are typically less reliant on external stimulation and validation, rejection would probably hurt an extrovert more. That is not to say introverts aren't hurt by rejection, many are. 

Some behaviors of mine like focusing on my appearance and trying to seem like an agreeable and interesting person so others will like me plays into this fear of rejection. Impressing others is generally considered an extroverted behavior and definitely one that I have that ties into the reason I feel shy around people I find attractive. That is not to say introverts don't try to impress others. All humans depend on social interaction to some extent, so introverts definitely still desire to impress others. If they didn't, they wouldn't be married to people or having a job. 

Now introverts are more likely to be shy, and extroverts are more likely to be outgoing, but one is nature and the other is nurture. Some extroverts like me sometimes experience shyness and social anxiety, while some introverts are outgoing and have no trouble navigating social situations, but still feel more drained by them, whereas I feel dependent on them.  Outgoing and shyness are personality traits, and introversion and extroversion are personality types. There is a big difference. And I will reiterate this over and over...introversion and extroversion are on a SPECTRUM. 

The cognitive functions that come to mind when considering romantic interest are feeling functions (Fe and Fi) and sensing functions (Se and Si). Intuition mostly comes into play when imagining potential scenarios about a potential romantic partner and Thinking functions come into dictate whether or not the romantic pursuit is a wise decision. 

Se would be focused on "ooh this person's appearance looks hot right now and pleases me". Se is very focused on the five senses within the present moment and would consider the appearance of the crush within the moment during a romantic pursuit. 

Si is more like "ooh this person looks hot because they look similar to what I have been attracted to before/something about them is familiar and comforting". Si users are more likely to have a "type" relating to their past experience. I use Si as my last function, and I seem to have a serious thing for guys with glasses, brown eyes, that are tall, have a "cute look" in their eyes (I can't explain this one at all), and have darker skin than me (whether they be tan or just darker in general. I'm quite pale so this is pretty much any guy honestly). Now not every guy I have been attracted to looks this way, but there are patterns. 

Fe is very focused on pleasing the other person and making sure the other person feels loved by them (Fi users can and want to do this too though, keep that in mind). 

Fi users like to feel safe with their partner and cared for by them (Fe users also want this too, their initial instinct is to just care for their partner first). 

Let's use ENFP as an example. ENFP sees their crush:

Ne is paranoid. Ne is both excited and nervous. They're envisioning 1000 possible outcomes and some of them are amazing, and others are utterly damned. Ne is obsessed. Ne is embarrassed. Ne is excited. 

Fi is prepared to appreciate the crush. Fi is nervous and very emotional. Fi wants to express to the crush that they are unique and wonderful, and irreplaceable. 

Te is critical and rational. Te is saying the ENFP doesn't have time for a relationship, or that the ENFP is being overly emotional and concerned with something that won't matter or benefit the ENFP in the long run. 

Si see's patterns and desires stability. ENFPs tend to feel more attracted to stable and steady people who can "anchor" them since ENFPs don't often possess this trait themselves. Si looks out for that feeling of safety in a romantic partner, and if there isn't one, the ENFP will become nervous. 

Our introverted cognitive functions are likely to make us shy, and even our nervous Ne could be the cause of this. 

In general, especially within the context of attraction, we all have introverted and extroverted functions, and any type has potential to be shy, especially in front of a romantic interest.