Just A Friend?

[38]: Extra

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**I wrote this after I posted chapter 38, but want it adding on to the previous chapter as it doesn't flow right into the next one. So for now it'll have it's own short part, once the story is complete I'll add it to [38] So Enjoy**

I blew out a deep breath whilst willing myself to pull it together. I only had myself to blame for Elliot walking off. I didn't want to hurt him, and what happened between Ash and I last night wasn't intentional, but when it comes to Ash I'm beyond weak. It's pathetic really, how much he controls me and has an invisible hold over me, I know he does but I can't stop him. I honestly thought after last night it was the start of something between us, but once again I was wrong when it came to him. I don't know why I don't just let him go for good, I try to, but I know he'll always be there, there will always be one string of my heart that will always be attached to him. And it's that string that keeps that little slither of hope alive that we could be more than friends.

I thought by dating Elliot that it would help me move on from Ash, but I don't think anything will ever help me move on from the feelings I have for him. They're so strong I don't even think I understand them, and I will always underestimate the power of them. Although dating Elliot did make me happy, he did put a smile on my face and put butterflies in my stomach. He pulled me out of my little Ash bubble for a while and helped me stand up to him and his behaviour for a change. I didn't let him or his girlfriend walk all over me. I stuck up for myself; he gave me confidence. I know I didn't deserve him or deserve him now but I wish things turned out differently and didn't end as they did. I hope he can forgive me and we can be friends.

Taking another unsteady breath, I wipe under my eyes to erase any trace of my tears before glancing back up. I almost did a double take of what I was looking at.

Elliot was stood before me, his face glum and his hands tucked into his pocket.

"Hi." I say softly to him as he comes to sit beside me again.

"Was it just a kiss?" He asked lifting my chin to up look at him and I nodded. Although I did tell him I cheated, it wasn't what I should be telling him. I know that, but I wasn't ready for the repercussions that truth held. Plus it wasn't a total lie, seeing as Eric did kiss me when we went out last weekend.

"Then I forgive you."

"What?"

"I really like you Lyd."

"I really like you too."

That wasn't a lie either. I did really like Elliot.

"Can we still be friends?" I ask and he nods.

"We can still be friends, but I still like you more than that Lyd and I think what we have can be something special if we commit to it."

"You still want to be with me?" I gasp and he nods.

"I mean we still need to talk about what happened last night..." he says and I nod.

"But yea I still want to be with you. Do you still want to be with me?"

This was it, if I agreed to be with Elliot now things would end for me and Ash. I wouldn't put Elliot through what I had again. And selfishly, I couldn't live with any more of the guilt. My mind flashed to this morning when I was so hopeful of mine and Ash's future then to how it felt, seeing him kissing Nina after what we'd done.

"Yes, I do." I whisper feeling my eyes well up again

"Okay good. Now stop crying and kiss me." He grinned and I nodded wiping my face. I leant close to him and kissed him.

Elliot pulled me onto his lap as he deepened the kiss, his arms wrapping around my waist and mine hung around his neck.

"Thank you." I whisper pulling away from him, "For forgiving me."

"I could see how guilty you looked for what had happened and I appreciated you being honest with me."

I knew I was lying through my teeth to him, it wasn't just a kiss, it wasn't a friend of Fin's and what happened meant everything to me. But Ash didn't want me, I realise that now. All he did was toy with me and my emotions. So instead, I'm going to give everything I have to my relationship with Elliot.

"You still not able to do something tonight?" He asks and I shake my head.

"I've got so much to do, unless you come round whilst I work."

"I can do that." He grinned.

"But you can't distract me. I need to work."

"That I can't promise, but I'll try."

"Try harder." I laugh kissing him again.

"And lock your door this time."

"Oh I will"

"Okay, let's eat, I'm starving." He smiled picking up his sandwich but keeping me on his lap as I grabbed my drink.

I can't say I wasn't heartbroken about me and Ash but I gave him a chance and he blew it...again. So now I was going to put one hundred per cent into this relationship with Elliot.

I was finally letting my love for Ash go.

*~*~*~*

Sooo what do you think? Right thing to do or not?

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