Ocean Of Need

❤️ 53 🖤 Daddy's Back

June 10th

Freya and I have had seven of these lunches since Mac emptied the room and I am still no closer to finding him. I pick at the mini sculpture on my plate and try to remember what I ordered. Some kind of woven potato tower with mushrooms. I slice my fork down through the middle of it and watch as it shatters. Fuck it. Everything breaks anyway. I bite my lip to stop my tears.

Freya reaches for my hand and strokes the back of it. 'Oh Sweetie.'

'Sorry Freya. I don't mean to be so sad all the time. I know it's boring.'

'It's ok to be sad. Sadness is real. We can't walk around being hot little potatoes all the time.'

I smile at that. I've always masked my emotions, this heartbreak has been the first time I've had something to cry about that someone else understands. 'I wish I could get over this. I feel so out of control of everything.'

'You're not out of control. You said yourself that he wasn't good for you. Not lately. You said you feel like you're left on the back burner, never knowing when he would turn up. I think that leaving the poem was your way of taking back your control.'

'I guess. But now I think the poem was a mistake. Something is just not staking up. This is far worse than being on the back burner. This is brutal.'

'Yes. I can see that. But Lilah, it would have had to end sometime. Jameson is coming soon and you'll be back on the road soon. And Mac, well, he was only ever supposed to be a distraction.'

'What do you mean a distraction? You sound like you planned him or something.'

'Planned it?' She laughs a little too loud. 'What do you mean? Your relationship was nothing to do with me.'

Freya doesn't have any physical tells that I know of yet, but her voice seems different. The rhythm of it is off, and she sounds more New York than she normally does. I've known her for almost three months and she's still an enigma. She's my guardian, that's what Jameson said. But what exactly does a guardian do? Keep you safe or keep you under control?

She squints at me, 'Are you ok? Don't you like the food? Shall I get the waiter to take it away? We can order something else for you. Something off menu if you want?'

'No, this is lovely. Thanks Freya.' I sigh deeply and another wave of heart break washes over me without warning. 'I just didn't think it'd end up like this. How can we go from what we were, to absolutely nothing? To an empty room?'

'Yes, well, that was harsh. But he's in pain. His feelings are hurt.'

I lean my elbows on the table, put my head in my hands. 'God, that is the worse thing though. Knowing he's hurting, is worse than feeling my hurt. It just adds to it. I should never have left that poem. What a stupid bloody thing to do.'

'Lilah?' Jameson's deep voice warms my heart as I spin round.

'Daddy!' I yell, and half the restaurant looks up, as stand up and throw myself into his arms.

'It's ok, Baby Girl. Daddy's got you.' He says, rocking me in his embrace, then leading me back to my chair.

'I told you he was coming soon,' Freya says smiling as she stands to hug him. Theirs is a long warm hug that tightens before they let each other go.

'How you doing Old Timer?' She asks warmly, then winks.

'Pretty good Darlin'' he grins back.

There's a world of words going on between their gaze. I guess I'm not the only one to have a secret language with him. Their codes are different though, I can't decipher any of them.