You Got Me Fucked Up

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(It's Lucas's 18th Birthday Today)

Aaliyah's POV

Lucas had been gone for a week now - 5weeks left I thought to myself.
Going to school was becoming an issue... finding the energy to go to class everyday was starting to become a hassle, you'd think I'd be able to concentrate easier without Lucas constantly sending me notes, or texting me and causing me to laugh uncontrollably and get detention, but the only thing I could think about was how he was doing and if he missed me.

I'll be honest and tell you that, yeah I do have feelings for Lucas... but because of my last relationship investing my time in people was something I dreaded as it always seemed to come back and slap me in the face.

Trusting people was not an issue... every person I meet I always see the good in them and see them as myself, well that's what I convince myself anyway.

Lucas was persistent and consistent with his actions and although that should've encouraged me to be with him. It in fact made me resist him, as the thought that eventually his lovely gestures, remarks and coos will eventually come to a halt.

In 3 weeks time it'd be winter break so I planned to go visit him and stay with him for the last 2 weeks just before Christmas, in fact my mum suggested it so I thought why not?

*3 Weeks on*

I was packing my bag for my flight to New York, he told me his performance was at 10pm at some roof top bar on Washington St - he said he sold out with in the first 5hours of his tickets being released. I was elated if not proud to say the least.

"Liyah you got everything?" my mum questioned

"yep" I smiled

She walked her way to the end of my began and sighed

"you know I don't condone sex under my roof.. but considering you won't be under my roof for 2 weeks... stay protected" she said while throwing me a brown bag with a bunch of condoms in it.

"I don't need no little Lucas's or Aaliyah's running around, I'm too young to be a grandma."

"Mother! firstly you know I'm not like that... I know I'm at the age now and in a different environment, but I'm still frigid as hell, - and secondly... we are not together, just close friends with feelings for each other"

"Yeah and 2 weeks away from parents, living life as a young couple won't lead to sex" she mocked while getting up.

"Lucas isn't like that" I hummed

"you think I didn't see you putting in some cute cocktail dresses and lingerie in there" she enquired with her signature raised brow

"you need the right underwear to wear a cocktail dress ma" I stated

"yeah, anyway don't tell me if you have sex, cos I'll slap the black out of you if you tell me" she said while skipping out my door

I told my mum everything, back home she knew I was frigid and didn't really entertain boys too much, but she knew I was approaching that age, sex wasn't an issue with my mum, it was more so having sex in her house, under her roof when I'm not paying no bills was a problem.. my brother did that back home with his girlfriend while mum was in Jamaica with her man, which was quite disrespectful.

when I hit 16 the first rule was : No Sex under her roof
which in my case meant that I wouldn't have sex anyway cos it wasn't a big deal to me.

I made my way to my mums car as she offered to drop me to the airport.

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An hour in and I was swarmed with anxiety and butterflies.

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