Alani picked up her eraser from beside her to erase a line in her sketch that she didn't like. Lucinda's awfully cheerful voice rang in Alani's ear, asking her yet another question. While Alani loved her therapist to death, sometimes the cheerfulness aggravated her more than she wanted to admit.
"Your dad said you're still going to Texas tomorrow to spend your first summer with your mother. How are you feeling?" Lucinda asked.
Alani shrugged. "I don't want to go."
"That's what he said. Why'd you agree to go if it isn't what you want?"
"It's what Promise wants," Alani answered. "I just want to spend time with my mom. Not with her husband. Not with her other kids. Just with her. There are times where I get my dad to myself. My dad makes sure we spend time together without Jakiyah or Jeremiah."
"I thought you were okay with your stepfather and siblings."
"There isn't any issues with them, but I just feel like...I don't know. Jealous?" Alani frowned and put her sketchpad down. "It feels wrong to say I'm jealous of my two younger siblings, but they got to grow up with her. They get alone time with her and she'll be there for all of their accomplishments. I didn't get that. All I want is my mom, by herself. Not with the people I feel replaced me."
The older Alani got, the more honest her parents became about their confusing situation. Since Alani was a baby, her father had custody of her. What was supposed to only last for a few months became a forever thing. Alani only saw her mother on weekends or whenever her father went on tour or needed to work. Eventually Alani started to spend three days with her mother and four with her father, but she would always say her father was the one who actually raised her.
By time Alani was five, her father was ready to leave New Jersey. Analise and Daniel gave Alani the choice to pick who she wanted to live with, and she her father. When Daniel offered to move Analise out to California to start a new life, she declined. This shook Alani's world up as she only saw her mother every couple of months or so. They spoke on the phone or FaceTimed, but it was never the same. Once Analise moved to Texas and got married, then the dynamic changed even more. Visits became shorter and phone calls became longer.
For years her parents tried to shield her from the reality of how their situation came to be, but after asking year after year, they finally sat her down and told her. They had the talk three years ago, which was why Daniel and Jakiyah put Alani in therapy. It was hard for her to cope knowing her mother never wanted to be a mother-at least not to any child of her father's.
