Just Hold My Hand

Chapter Nine- Andrew

Chapter Nine- Andrew's P.O.V.

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She held my hand. I held on to the thought and feeling. It was precious. I tried to hide the grimace that graced my face when I thought of what I was going to tell her. I was really considering just telling her now. I couldn't though. She looked so vibrant right now. So free. She must have realized what her father's death means. She should be able to start fresh. Drew could help her move on. I swallowed hard, my pride and words going down too.

She squeezed my hand urging me to speak and I dragged her to the sofa. I tried to look casual as I sat. James followed us into the room, awkwardly drifting in the doorway to the kitchen. I didn't even look at him. He was the reason for the breaking heart I was experiencing right now. I breathed deeply and pushed my own selfish thoughts away. Charlotte's deserved this. I smiled and then proceeded to speak, my voice coming out casual,

"James has set up a little triple date for us on Saturday. How do you feel about a blind date?" I paused waiting for her answer. I secretly hoped she would scream no, and maybe storm out of the room outraged. I was not so lucky though, and Charlotte was too kind for her own good. She smiled and seemed to think about it. She glanced back at James and spoke to him,

"Blind date as in my blind date while you two go with your girlfriends?" I tensed. She thought I had a girlfriend? She did! I suddenly remembered back to the time when I came to her frustrated out of my senses. I was losing my mind over her, but made it seem as if I was in love with someone else. That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but I couldn't take it anymore. I was actually going to tell her that night, but lost my nerve, so settled on telling my feelings while twisting the truth as for who they were directed toward.

James nodded, smirking,

"Yeah that's the plan. Cool with you?" He leaned on the door pane while putting his hands in his pockets. He looked very smug, as if he won something. My stomach was now clenched into a knot. I had to find a girlfriend now. I gulped to myself.

Charlotte turned to look at me, a wide grin on her face. The sort of smile a girl gets when she finds out she is meeting her best friends secret girlfriend. I never wanted to see that smile again. It made me want to cry and tell her the truth. She was happy for me, for me finally telling the "girl of my dreams" I loved her. She was such a supportive friend, if only she knew.

"I get to meet your girlfriend? That's so great!" She actually squeezed my hand encouraginly but there was something in her eyes. Was that disappointment? Of course she would be disappointed! I kept it a secret that I even had a girlfriend. I would be as well had I found out this way.

I swallowed and blushed, suddenly feeling put on the spot to lie to her. This was all James' fault. I sighed and spoke, sadness dripping on my words,

"Yes. You get to meet her finally. I'm sorry I kept this a secret from you though." She shook her head vigorously at that and smiled, there was still that glint of disappointment in her eyes though. I could tell she was trying to be supportive. I loved her even more for that. She grabbed both my hands then and spoke right into my eyes,

"I'm happy for you Andy. Very, truly, ecstatic!" She spoke as if she were trying to not only convince me but herself as well. I was just trying not to burst at the fact that she was holding both of my hands at once. My arms were on fire! I had the sudden urge to hug her, and possibly never let go. She beat me to it though and she hugged me suddenly. I was not her usual hug though, this one was firm and as if she was trying to hold on. I grabbed her back just as firmly. My entire being exploding with sensation. I pushed that away though. I can only imagine how she must feel right now. Probably betrayed, maybe losing me, she isn't though. That's the problem. I only wish I could be normal and have a real girlfriend. Some one to possibly distract me.