The Joy of Agony | Loki

Keep Moving Forward.

Dedicated to ishipblackfrost for telling me she ships Eryn & Loki. Thank you! ^.^

Heads up: Long dialouge ahead!

To my extraordinary Eryn,

Today is your twelfth birthday, yet I remember the day I had you as if it were only just yesterday. As cliché as it sounds, you will always be my baby. I doubt you remember, but when you were just a toddler you loved to follow your Uncle Bruce a lot and would cry every time he left and screamed with joy when he would return. Or how much you loved your grandmother's chocolate chip cookies and 'borrowed' your grandpa's glasses frequently. I'm sorry for separating you from them; I never should have. You would've been so much happier there, and it breaks my heart to see you cry for something that I could've prevented. I'm also sorry for not taking you to go see your grandmother before she died. 

I also apologize for not being able to be with you on this special day, but you know how busy work gets for me. Don't ever doubt that I love you, because I do. I love you more than anything; more than your step-sisters and step-dad. I know you've had trouble getting along with them, but I cherish you for at least trying. I guess, what I'm trying to explain is that I hope, that one day, you will be able to forgive me for making your life miserable and for being such a coward of a mom to not tell you in person. I hate myself for that, always will.

On Saturday, I was thinking that maybe we can go out and do whatever your heart desires. Just you and I; just like the old times. We can go to Disney World, like I've heard you mentioning and know you've been dying to go to (mother knows everything!), and I was even planning a trip to visit your Uncle. What do you think? I'll tell you more about it once I get home.

You are and will always be my extraordinary Eryn. I love you, I love you, I love you. And if for whatever reason, I may not be there with you (like today), just know in your heart is where you will always find me.

                                                                             With much love,

                                                                              Your mommy.

A single drop fell onto the heavily, creased lined paper. I took a deep breath, trying to remain composed as I've always have. It was the last letter she'd given me; exactly a week before her death. Every time, I'd feel distant from my mom or been having a hard time, I always read the letter, receiving comfort in the words my mom had written. I carefully folded the paper back into six squares before placing it back into the box. It was a small velvet box where I kept all of my mother's belongings in. Well, everything of hers that I was allowed to take with me.

My eyes then landed on two newspaper articles; both of them stating the death of a loved one. One of the article's headline read : Local Citizen Killed in a Tragic Car Accident, and the other : Rebecca Banner Dead After Suffering a Dreadful Heart Attack. Macy's would soon join in. I didn't keep them just because, I kept them because it’s a reminder that they were real and not a dream. As bizarre as that sounds, that is how I found comfort in knowing that they are resting in peace.

To the side of the box, were a thin stack of pictures. I took them out a faint smile on my face as I remembered the captured memories. My mom and I smiling like idiots together, Bruce giving me a piggy back ride while I'm making a face, my toddler face smeared with chocolate chips with a toothy grin on my face and my grandma in the background, my grandparents holding each of my hands smiling down at me, and a picture of just my mom. She was very young in the picture, probably no older than eighteen. Her bright hazel eyes seemed to glow, her wavy chocolate brown hair falling just below her shoulders, and a delighted smile on her face as she posed for the camera, each of her hands resting on her hips.