chapter ten - phil

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Chapter Ten - Phil: (trigger warning for this chapter. the paragraph in italics references to cutting and suicide)

"I swear, you're growing more limbs with every step," I said, boosting Howell's weight higher from where it rested on my hips. My palms were clammy as I held onto the backs of his knees, his arms wrapped around my neck comfortably, while his tuffs of hair tickled the edges of my jaw.

I honestly don't know how I got corralled into giving out a piggyback ride.

Howell stuck his hand in front of my face.

If your car wasn't such a hunk of junk, this wouldn't have happened, he signed.

"It is not a hunk of junk!" I shouted indignantly. "And besides, I can recall many times where that 'hunk of junk' came in handy- like that day I found you wandering aimlessly around town before school."

I could feel Howell smile against the back of my neck- he was happy that I remembered.

He sobered quickly though, his mind wandering elsewhere.

I knew we were both thinking about it.

The kiss.

It still felt weird- to even think the word. And embarrassing.

I couldn't believe I'd asked that.

Would you, Daniel Howell do me the honor of letting me kiss you?

Ew, god, I sounded like I was from the futuristic Downton Abbey world with that pretentious question. I kind of wanted to throw up.

I continued carrying Howell, both of us keeping to ourselves.

But... however much it made me disgusted with myself, that kiss-

It was nice. It was soft and warm and gentle- everything I saw in Howell- everything I wasn't.

It made me feel out of my element- like I was finally both New and Old Phil again.

Of course, after the kiss was awkward. Neither of us knew where to look, and I being who I am, shut down all possibilities of discussion.

We'd both laid frozen for a moment, my hand still tucking a lock behind Howell's ear, his fisted in the front of my shirt, before I'd hauled us both to our feet.

Howell had taken but one step before he tumbled back into my chest.

"Desperate much?" I'd asked smiling gently, trying not to scare him off- god anything thing but that.

Howell had blushed, signing with a shaky hand, I think I've twisted my ankle.

I'd shaken my head chuckling at his clumsiness, his injury probably due to when he tackled me and we'd-

I stopped smiling.

"Come on," I'd offered, wrapping my arm around his shoulders, crushing his body against my side as we hobbled over to the car.

Only to find it dead, as I turned the key repeatedly in the ignition.

Perfect.

I'd pinched the bridge of my nose, as Howell leaned against the car for support.

"Our houses are just a couple miles away," I'd said turning to him. "We can walk, or I can at least. Come here."

I'd motioned for him to get onto my back, smiling when his cheeks had started to prickle pink.

Which was how we found ourselves in this current position- Howell on my back, with a mile or so to go until we were home.

"Hey," I said, my voice winded. "Could you walk for a bit. I know you're crippled now but my back is killing me."

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