one.

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I always seemed to gravitate to this state. Being so unmotivated to do anything, such as breathing. This is usually about the time I make rash decisions, only because I want to feel something. I want to feel alive, not so dull and dead. I want to feel my insides burning with passion. I have yet to find that feeling.
-
Everything was a blur, I'm not even sure how I got here. All I know this was me trying to pull myself from my usual mindset, seeking a thrill. I was sure I was drunk, stoned and maybe even a little sexually frustrated, but I'm sure that was coming from me being under the influence. If you asked me anything about myself while I was in this state, I could probably tell you that my name is Gia and I really have to piss. In the sea of bodies I managed to make my way to the less crowded section of the house. The kitchen. "Hey, you with th-the jacket. Jacket guy," I slurred as I leaned against the doorway for support. I pointed at him with a finger that swayed. He chuckled, "Hey, you with the shirt," he closes one eye, pointing at me but draws circles in the air with his finger. "Does this place own a toilet?" I ask, holding on the doorway, attempting to look around but it only makes my head swim. He walks over to me, "That way," he points to a small hallway. "Oh okay, you're a lifesaver by the way. A true hero," I giggle as I attempt to walk off, but stumble over my own feet. The jacket guy catches me by my shoulders, "I'll be even more hero-like and assist a citizen in need." He seems pleased with himself that I laugh at this. He guides me carefully by my shoulders making sure I don't run into anyone, stopping in front of a white door, pounding on it loudly, which was necessary due to the loud music blaring. We heard a yell in response. "Looks like you'll have to wait," he sighs, patting my shoulder. I look to him desperately beside me, "I don't know if I can hold it," I whine. "Fuck," he runs his fingers through his hair and thinks for a moment, finally putting my arm around his waist, him doing the same to me.

"Your flat?" I question wide eyed as we exited the house. I laughed now, "No, you creep." I pushed him away from me making him stumble. He caught himself and laughed softly, "Then we'll go to a shop, but it will be farther." I sat myself down in the middle of the side walk, pulling my heels off. "I feel a little better now," I laughed, throwing my black heels into the small arrangement of shrubs lining the sidewalk. I wobbled as I attempted to get up. "You're totally shit faced," Jacket guy laughed as he fished my heels out from the sea of leaves. "Hey, wait," I stumbled, climbing into the sea of leaves. "What are- oh fuck," jacket guy quickly turned away as I sloppily pulled my underwear from underneath my skirt.
-
If anything, I knew I would regret my decision from the moment I decided to go out. I usually did. Before I even opened my eyes, I regretted it. My head pounded, my legs were sore. My back hurt from the hard surface I was laying on. I assumed I was passed out in my living room again, just like last time. "Liz," I hoarsely called out, putting an arm over my eyes, still not bothering to open them. "Lizzie," I called out loader, as I slowly moved my legs, making sure they weren't actually dead as they had felt. "Matty go do that somewhere else," an unfamiliar voice groaned sleepily. My eyes shot open, realizing I wasn't where I thought I was. I slowly sat up, being cautious with my terrible hangover that repeatedly pounded into my head. I was in a bathroom. I lightly pulled off the white sheet that I hadn't noticed off of my legs, while I studied the figure across from me leaning against the wall next to the toilet. He was wearing a white shirt, black jeans ripped at the knees, black boots covering his huge feet. His hair was mess and a mix between blonde and brown. I stood up, almost stumbling down, my legs weren't exactly cooperating now. I lightly kicked his boot, trying to remember last night. I faintly remembered leaving the night club with a girl, ending up at a house party, smoking a joint with her, then dispersing once she found some random guy to fuck.
The guy in front of me didn't even react. I turned to the mirror now. I looked terrible. My attempted messy bun I must've done once drunk was completely well, a mess, my makeup was smeared everywhere. I studied the leather jacket I removed from the sink. I faintly remember him now, jacket guy. I tossed the jacket into his lap, still no movement. I sighed and turned on the warm water, gently washing my smeared makeup. I removed my hair tie and wet some crazy strands to tame them. I looked down at jacket guy who was now snoring softly with his mouth open. Irritated, I cupped my hands under the faucet then tossed the water in his direction. "What the-" he scrambled, hitting the back of his head quite hard on the wall behind him. "Fuck," he mumbled as he gently rubbed the back of his head. "I'm so sorry," I gasped quietly as I turned off the faucet. He focused on me now, as if trying to remember who I was. "Um, I'm just as confused as you are," I grasped the counter and watched as he stood up, towering over me. "I think I called you jacket guy or something," I laughed softly. Something clicked, "Oh yeah, I remember you now," he laughed, "you pissed in a bush." I followed behind him as he walked out to a bedroom, "I what?" "Stay for a bit and we'll discuss this over coffee, yeah?" He chuckled.
-
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Not only did I feel weird sitting in a strangers house, I felt like utter shit. "This might help with the hangover," he lightly set a cup of coffee in front of me, then sat beside me at the island. I took the warm mug and drank, willing to try anything that supposedly helped. "How shit faced was I?" I broke the silence after a sip. "Ehm, you threw your shoes into a shrub, then proceeded to piss into said shrub," he laughed as he sipped his coffee. I looked at him horrified, "I didn't pee on my shoes, did I?" "I saved them, they're by the door." He pointed behind me but I didn't really care to look. Any sudden movement hurt like hell. "Then you decided not to put your underwear back on, but I eventually talked you into it." I glared at him now. "You put them back on yourself," He reassured, trying to hold back a laugh. I looked back down at my mug and nodded, letting him continue. "Ehm, then you said I was the nicest person ever, and that I deserved an award," he chuckled now, I blushed, "But then you like passed out while giving me a hug. I've never experienced that before, so that was a first. I called my mate to come pick us up, and you woke up by the time we got here. Said you felt sick, you spent awhile by the toilet, and now here we are." He sipped his coffee. I blushed, "I'm so sorry I put you through all that." "No it's fine, I didn't even want to be at that shit party," he laughed softly. "You do really deserve an award," I joked. We both slightly laugh at this but there's a faint knock at the door. "Excuse me." I nodded then swirled the remaining coffee in my cup. I heard a loud "Heeeey!" from the entrance. I slowly stood up, feeling as if I was disrupting something. I walked over to the sink, pouring out the remaining coffee, then proceeded to wash it out.
"George has got him a maid now, has he?" I jumped at the voice, quickly turning off the water. I turned to see a smirking figure with curly hair, no shirt but thankfully he had pants on. I looked at his tattoo on his chest, unsure of what to say. "I 'ave one here too," he slurred as he pulled his pants down a bit in the front, which wasn't necessary because I could already see the tattoo. I looked down, feeling uncomfortable. This guy was out of it. "Matty you fucker, get your-" a now taller figure, probably a little shorter than Jacket Guy, but definitely taller than this said 'Matty', stood in the doorway, his face softening as he spotted me. "George didn't tell us he had company," the guy who wasn't Matty, smiled, then grabbed Matty by his arm. "Hey fuck off, Ross. I'm trying to get off on a girl right now, can't you see?" Matty laughed, Ross sighed, throwing Matty over his shoulder, which Matty just laughed about. "I'll be back later, love," he called out before he disappeared out of the kitchen. "Hey maybe I should grow a beard like you and maybe she will like me," I heard faintly. I blushed now, unsure what I had just witnessed. George steps back in, nervously smiling. "Sorry my mate is a fucking mess, per usual. I could drive you home?"
The whole ten minute car ride to my flat was immensely awkward and quiet, besides the sporadic rambling Matty did every so often about something stupid, for instance, the way the word 'eggs' is so satisfying to him. I felt relived as my building came into sight, telling George to pull over. "Can I get your number?" Someone called from the back seat, laughing. "I'll knock the shit out of you Matty if you don't shut the hell up," Another voice from the back threatened. Ross was obviously fed up with the drunk. I bit my lip nervously as jacket guy, also known as George, laughed. I held my hand out to him, him returning a confused look. "Phone."
"Oh, right," He hesitantly pulled out his phone, setting it into my hand, I quickly typed in my number. I held out the phone to him, which he grabbed from me, smirking. I noticed the quietness, only the car idling to be heard, and the very faint music coming from the radio. I felt my face get hot as Ross, whom was now standing with the passenger door open for me waiting to step out, was grinning, George still smirking.
"You should really put a passcode on that thing." With that, I stormed off, hoping to get into the building and safely into my flat, out of their sight as soon as possible.

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