Love Square

Chapter 37: What Do I Do?

Ryan's POV

Yesterday things got way out of control, I didn't expect Mackenzie to come walking through the door. I know I hurt her not telling her what was going on or even the info Derrick gave me, I should have told her. Now, she doesn't want to talk to me at all, the closest person to her right now is Ejay, but I don't know anything about him. She won't text back, answer the phone, open the door, I really just fucked everything up between us. Thinking about who I could talk to, I came up with my cousin Derrick. I know he'll tell me the truth about what I need to do to fix this. I called up Derrick to come over when I was free from school.

I was sitting in the kitchen waiting for him when I heard the doorbell ring. Immediately, I stood from the kitchen stool and went to the front door.

"What up?" Derrick said while walking into the house.

"A lot, what's up wit you?" I responded closing the door behind him.

"Nothing like always."

"That's cool that's cool, let's go upstairs."

I led Derrick to my bedroom so we could talk in private, I didn't want Betty jumping in my business. Right now, all I needed was some much needed advice. We both went into my room, Derrick sat in my desk chair while I sat on the edge of my bed.

"Ok...so what happened?" Derrick asked leaning back in his seat.

"I fucked up with Mackenzie."

"You fucked up with Mackenzie? What happened?"

"Well...man Lauren called me again."

"She called you again? Did Mackenzie answer?"

"Nah, when Lauren called I was at home by myself, but she called Ken phone Saturday when her and I were hanging out."

"What the fuck? You gotta tell me from the beginning."

"Saturday and Sunday, I was kicking it with Ken and we were on some serious shit." I said, giving him the look.

"Some serious shit....haha. How was it?" He laughed.

"It was real...real serious."

"Damn man, I want details."

"Nah nah, we don't have time for that. But she called Ken talking about she wanted to hang out and shit, not to ask my permission but she asked me how I felt about it. I told her I didn't want her hanging out with Lauren and she said cool."

"Ok....so what's wrong with that?"

"That's not the problem, it's that like earlier this week Lauren called me talking about she wanted to talk. She got on the phone at first like did I wanna fuck her and shit, I'm like hell no. I really don't wanna fuck with her ass after I've been messing with Ken."

"Then what did she want to talk about?"

"The baby, that's what she said at least. She knew that's the only reason I would talk to her."

"I know that's the only reason you'll talk to her."

"Yeah and we got in the fuckin restaurant, and she talkin about sucking dick. I'm like bro...shut the fuck up. This bitch said nothing about the baby at all."

"You should have expected that though, you already know how she is."

"I really should have, but I always hope she'll understand what she did and not look over it."

"She's not and that's something you're going to have to accept....but what happened that you had to call me over here?"

Taking a deep breath, I was going to tell Derrick. I know he's going to tear me another asshole for what I did to Ken.

"....I didn't tell Ken about meeting up with Lauren and she saw us."

"You didn't tell her? Why the fuck didn't you tell her Ryan?"

"Because I didn't want her worrying about it, I wanted to deal with Lauren on my own."

"Nigga..you could have at least told her, what did she say?"

"She ignored the shit out of me."

"Haha..she didn't curse you out but ignored you?" He laughed.

"That shit isn't funny, Lauren asked how we knew each other and Ken said she tutored me. Then she said I was bad at math, and to not call her."

"So she didn't beat your ass or anything?" Derrick asked, sitting forward in the chair.

"No, she told me off...but this time I really fuck up."

"What did you say?"

"I told her she was only mad because Lauren and I had a past." Derrick sighed.

"Ryan...y'all barely had a past though. Why did you say that?"

"Because she was going off, then she was like that I must miss something Lauren has because I hid the situation from her."

"Is it something that you're missing about Lauren? I know you don't want to say it, and definitely didn't want to say it back then...but do you have feelings for her?"

I wanted to immediately say no, but truth is it's hard not having feelings for someone that you almost or did have a child with. Her coming back really did rock my world more than Mackenzie thinks.

"Rick....I don't know man, Lauren was just my first."

"I know you ain't talkin bout she was your first piece of ass?"

"Nah man....but like we did have some kind of relationship. Like we fucked around and shit but I did have feeling for her."

"You had feelings for Lauren?" Derrick looked like he couldn't understand.

"Yeah, I mean....it's hard not having feeling for someone you're fucking around with."

"What are you going to do then? You're going to be with Mackenzie or mess around with Lauren?"

I couldn't believe I was actually even thinking about leaving Mackenzie and messing with Lauren. Ken is a thousand times better than Lauren will ever be....but I did have a baby with her even though it didn't live.

"I...I...I'm not sure." Derrick shook his head looking at me.

"I can't even believe you're even thinking about something like this, Mackenzie is one of the best females you'll ever be with. No disrespect to Lauren, but she's a dumb ass chick, she isn't going anywhere in life, she's never going to do shit. That can't even compare to Mack, she's fine as shit, smart, caring, sexy, and she's real. If you pick Lauren you're making the biggest mistake of your life, and you know damn well...Mack is not with them second chances, so you better figure out what you're going to do."

"I know Derrick..."

"You better figure out what you're going to do Ryan, and I'm not going to tell you. But, fucking with Lauren is the dumbest shit that you'll ever do...if you do it."

I couldn't believe I was even thinking about breaking up with Mackenzie for Lauren. We've been doing so well and the weekend was perfect. Yet, I almost had a kid with Lauren...should I date her? Or should I stay with Mackenzie? With talking to Derrick I still don't know what to do, I'm even more confused than I was before.