Heart Battles

Chapter 23- Campfire songs

I sit on a sand dune while the guys build the fire. It's fun watching them as they wait in anticipation to see if the fire will start. I squeal when Jackson comes up behind me and squeezes my shoulders. 

"Meanie," I grumble and slap him on the thigh.

 "You love me Rora and we both know it," he coos, poking me in my ribs. 

"Nope," I headbutt his shoulder. 

"Such a silly specimen," he laughs, pulling the hood of my  jumper over my face. 

"Hmph," I sulk. 

"So, did you have sex?" Jackson questions me curiously.

 "Nope we did not," I frown at my strange friend. 

"Would you have if we hadn't needed to go?" his tone is normal, like he actually wants to have a conversation about this. 

"I dunno. We were kissing and I guess grinding but I'm not too sure. I feel like I might mess up or something. Plus he's had it a lot of times. That's when I kind of like Rocky he doesn't have a penis contaminated by hoes," I admit. The truth spilling from my lips and I can't stop. "I love Carter but sometimes I think he is driven by sex. I'm still figuring out life. The pressure to live up to his standards is hard. I just want this feeling that I'm going to fail to disappear. Sometimes it's all about my body and I feel extremely vulnerable. He doesn't mean to make me feel this way. I know that, but I'm terrified Jackson," I stare at my toes that are buried in the sand. I'm confused at the fact I'm letting this honesty pour out of me. 

"Woah Rora it's okay. It's absolutely fine to feel that way. I'm sure he'll love anything you do. He hasn't actually had sex with heaps of girls. Sex is sacred to him. So he's only had it with three. I know that is still quite a lot in your mind. I also know that Rocky would be a lot less trouble. But we both know you love Carter so very much. You cannot deny that. He doesn't just love you for your body. You should listen to him talk about you. You are his world. He could talk for days about how cute you look when you eat or how he admires how tough you are. Heck Rora he never stops talking about you," Jackson puts an arm over my shoulder. I don't have to say anything we both know I understand.

 After a few minutes Jackson grabs his phone, passes me one of his earbuds and turns on some music. Jack Johnson fills my brain, relaxing getting me in the mood for a late night swim. Everything will be alright. Sometimes it's good to say what's on your mind so you can see what's unreasonable and understand the other side of the story. We're so deep into our chill zone we don't see or hear the others approach us.

We both flinch in fright when Felix tugs the headphones out of our ears. "You looked pretty serious when you were talking," Felix says and crosses his legs just like us.

 "Oh we were. We had to discuss how to kill a man," I smirk elbow nudging Jackson. 

"I have thought of an amazing way to dispose of the body," Jackson smiles as the rest of the guys give us strange looks. 

"You might need a more intelligent member in your team. I am happy to assist," Ty laughs as he helps me to stand up.

 "Oh but you see you're actually the one we're planning to kill," Jackson explains, trying not to laugh as we walk down the dune to the fire. Ty and Jackson wander away with Ethan and Felix. I'm left by myself. Kade and Shaun are making sand angels it's funny to watch.

"What were you actually talking about? " Rocky stops to wait for me. 

"How your penis isn't contaminated by hoes," I admit truthfully. He looks at me with his eyebrows raised. But his twitching lip shows he is thinking.