Must we go through this everyday, Mother?
When can you grow a sense of responsibility? Never?
I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of my mom's terrible behavior. I try and try and try and try again and again, and the result is always the god awful same. Why? Why won't she listen for once? Hear out people? Because it would have the slightest feeling of her being WRONG? Admit it. You were always wrong.
And yet.. I can't say anything. I'm doing the same thing my mother did. I'm going to fail my classes. I'm not going to be any better. Why? I don't know anymore. What is the point of History? It happened already. There's no reason to bring it all up again. Let go of the past.
And yet, they don't.
I'm getting more and more tired. I want to be happy already.
I'm happy with my best friend, Milo. She's the bestest girl I've ever met. She makes me happy. She brings me great joy. But with both of us being separated, I don't feel that as much. Only being able to talk to her on a phone.
Oh. I'm not going to be any better than the rest of my family. I'm going to end up just like them. A failure with no sense of responsibility. I'll be sent down the goddamn drain. The same drain the rest of my family ended up in.
Why aren't I proud of myself? I want to be. But can I? What can I be proud of myself FOR?
School is the worse. I hate school. I hate it.
I'm failing my classes. My mom is going to yell at me.
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die soon.
Everybody does. Why make such a big deal out of it?
All that.. that entire day. Grandma stressing, Me stressing to try and help out.. Mom being a fucking brat.. was only some act? A FUCKING ACT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
AN ACT TO GET DAD TO LEAVE AND FALL FOR IT FOR SOME BIRTHDAY PARTY? THAT WAS SO HILARIOUS. HAHA. Wow. So fucking funny.
I skipped practically my entire school day to help my grandma out.. for nothing? Only an act? That's it?!
THAT'S IT?!
I FEEL FUCKING PLAYED. I WANT TO JUST SLEEP AND CRY. IF COULD, DIE.
Does she not realize how much that fucking affected me? Are you kidding me?
It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.
.
I am not. Fucking. Fine.
