Bleed Until You Heal

15- Boys

"So how was your first few days of class?" Scott asks me.

I situate myself so that I'm comfortable on the hard wooded panels of the tree house floor. "Average, I'd say. The photography stuff is amazing and I can't wait to see the equipment. I'm going to have a photography orgasm or something. And the girl that I'd met at orientation, Haven, she's in my Principles of Photography class so that's nice."

"That is nice," He confirms. "What about that guy that you don't like?"

"Felix," I mutter. "He's only in my Intro class, so I'm free of that pest on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I didn't see him at all today, it was a miracle."

He laughs beside me as we just look up at the stars through the open panel on the roof. "If his mission is to get under your skin, he's doing a really good job at it."

"Yeah," I groan. "I know that but I can't help it. Tomorrow when I see him again, I'm just going to ignore him. Jasper thinks that it will work."

"It might," He shrugs.

"Anyway, how are you?"

"What do you mean?" Scott asks me, turning to look at me instead of the stars above us.

"I mean with Macy," I remind him. "Have you talked to her at all?"

"No," He sighs. "But I'm fine. Really. I'm better than I should be, really. We used to be really good together, you know, and it was great but lately- even before you got here- she'd started getting really controlling and vapid. I tried to dismiss it as the stress of graduation and then the stress of having to move her whole life to Massachusetts but it was just a lot to deal with."

"I'm sorry," I tell him genuinely. "But I really do understand where she was coming from. I would have wanted to keep you on a tight leash too. Although, I know that relationships aren't pets, you don't keep them on leashes at all but I'm just saying that if I was Macy, I wouldn't want to lose you either."

Scott lets out a breathy laugh. "Well, anyway, she's at MIT now and it's over. I'm fine with it."

"You don't miss her at all? Come on, you have to miss her at least a little bit."

"I do," He confirms. "Being with Macy was comfortable, I guess. And I really did love her for a while there but I don't think that I've really loved her in a long time. And I mean that really big love, like the I'll-give-you-the-world-just-ask type of love. I didn't have that with her. I miss her, yeah, but I'll get over it soon. I feel bad for thinking that way, but I don't know."

"I've never had that kind of love. Romantically, I mean. The whole giving the world thing, that's just so intense," I explain. "And probably unrealistic."

"Probably."

"Except that sometimes it's not. I mean, I love Jasper like that. I love him more than anything but it's not romantic, obviously. It's possible to love somebody like that so I just don't think that you should give up. It's out there."

"Right. I think so."

"Are you sure that you're alright?" I ask Scott, looking over at him but he is already looking back at the stars, the moonlight shining in through the roof and illuminating the right side of his face, making the few freckles on his cheek stand out more noticeably than they usually are. "You could talk to me about it if you wanted. I'm a really good listener."

"I'm okay. Honest," Scott assures me. "It just feels weird. Not sad or empty, just weird. Being single again, I mean. Not having to check in with Macy like I used to."

"I know a great bar downtown if you want to go get drunk," I offer him. "Granted, it's a gay bar but I'm living proof that you can find straight girls there."