33
Jeremy’s P.O.V.
They say everything happens for a reason. I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but I know it’s said: There’s a reason for everything.
Three years ago, I might have disagreed, but as I crouched down in front of Deana, as her mom was wheeled off to the OR, I couldn't help but understand the saying.
When Lauren died, I was completely and utterly devastated and, I concluded that life wasn't worth living anymore if I couldn't be with her. That’s when I began my uncontrollable speeding suicide attempts. The adrenaline, the speed, the risk, the longing, they all kept me going, until I crashed. And then, I’d wake up, but not to a bright white light, as I’d hoped. I kept failing, and that just kept me hoping. I hoped everyday that I could at least get to see her one more time. And every time, hope failed.
Just when I'd given up on everything – hope, longing and life, in general – Deana came along.
Now, I'd heard about the Santa Barbara creative director at D.B.&Co. – they were our biggest rivals, after all – and her many extremely pleased customers, but I had certainly not pictured the gorgeous blue-eyed blonde, with the killer smile. I was instantly enthralled. But, it felt wrong and insensitive to feel something deeper than sexual feelings for someone so soon after Lauren, so I brushed it off. Well, I tried. And boy, did I try. The only problem was, she was completely burned into my mind, and even constantly drinking my thoughts away proved futile. And, kind of painful – that is, the hangovers.
Anyway, back to my point. There’s a reason for everything.
I lost Lauren.
Deana got dumped.
We met.
And then started, what was a covert yet, absolutely passionate relationship.
Coincidence? I don’t really believe in those.
My point is, maybe I had to lose Lauren, because I had to meet Deana, and I had to be able to help her through this. ‘This’ being her mom’s near-death experience, and hopefully, in her case, her mom wasn't going to die. But, right at that moment, Deana had the same look on her face that I did as they wheeled Lauren into the OR, on that fateful day – confusion, fear, worry and the tiniest hint of hope.
And maybe I was wrong, but it was nice to think that things don't 'just' happen.
I sat next to her on the window ledge, taking her hand and holding on tight. She looked up and gave me a worried look, to which I replied, "She's going to be fine", hoping with all my might that I was right.
Not knowing what else to say, I just sat there with her, for a long while, as she came to terms with what was happening.
"Maybe you should go be with your family", I said softly. At that point, I think what she might have needed the most, was to be with someone or people who were feeling the exact same things she was feeling. I don’t want to seem like the expert on closeness to death, or that ‘waiting’ period, but I just wanted her to have everything I didn’t, but wouldn’t have minded.
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Dumped!
RomanceDeana Carter has always been superstitious and cynical. She's always waiting for the other shoe to drop and expecting the inevitable - disappointment. So, when she meets Matthew Stewart, she can't help her cynicism. It's all too good to be true. How...