A Typical day in Lameton School

Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE

It felt like this history lesson was going on forever. Kaitlyn Wintericeburg glanced at the clock that hung in the front of the classroom wall and groaned internally. TWENTY MINUTES UNTIL LESSON ENDED? It was like Lameton School was purposely trying to slow down time so that she would eventually grow impatient enough to kill herself.

"And then I said no way, and he was like yes way and I was like NO WAY and he was like YES WAY!" babbled one of the popular girls in the history classroom to a gaggle of other girls who were looking at her as though she was their goddess, which she was, in a way. Who else's hairstyles, slang and homework were they going to copy?

"And then what happened next?" cried another girl.

"Oh, and then, I said no freaking way and he was like yes freaking way-" The girl flipped her hair back and smiled to herself. "And then we totally made out for, like, a second. And then I needed to go to the toilet really badly. You know how it is when you have diarrhoea."

"I can relate," Kaitlyn heard a girl say with sympathy lacing her voice. "One time, my diarrhoea was so bad I actually pooped my pants in the middle of the night before I could make it to the toilet." Everyone reached out to pat her in the back, whispering 'She's been through so much' and 'What a brave, brave girl' to one another. Diarrhoea could be such a bitch. No one - no one - should ever go through the pain of diarrhoea.

"As inspiring as diarrhoea can be," interrupted their history teacher, Mr Legitimate, "I think we all need to concentrate on finishing our eight mark questions, hmm?"

Everyone groaned simultaneously and a few boys protested with a chorus of 'But siiiiiiiiiir'. Mr Legitimate only grinned at them with an evil smile on his face.

"Anyone who complains anymore..." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Well...you all know what happens when you get too naughty and misbehave in my class."

The class drew in a collective gasp. "B-But s-sir..." whispered Argie, a boy with expressive eyebrows, "Y-You wouldn't r-really...um...use the...the...whip against us when the summer holidays are so close, w-would you?"

"NAUGHTY CHILDREN SHOULD GET PUNISHED WHENEVER IS NEEDED!" Mr Legitimate roared and the entire class jumped. "AND THERE WILL. BE. NO. EXCEPTIONS!"

"Yes sir," the whole class said at once and there was no discussion of anything, diarrhoea or otherwise, after that. Mr Legitimate smiled and whispered 'Good children' before resuming the final chapter of his favourite book Fifty Shades of Grey.

There was only ten minutes of the lesson remaining, and the class was deadly silent, when suddenly, Randal Gill burst into the classroom. Kaitlyn frowned. What the actual hell?

"Randal!" Mr Legitimate's eyebrows rose. "What are you doing here?"

Randal did not respond, but instead, let out a guttural sound from his throat and lunged at Mr Legitimate who screamed as Randal wrapped his arms around the history teacher's neck and bit into it. Everyone in the class looked at each other in horror. Everyone was thinking the same thing: Were Randal and Mr Legitimate re-enacting a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey?

"I knew Mr Legitimate was kinky," whispered Portugirl, a girl sitting next to Kaitlyn, "but I didn't know he was that kinky. And Randal Gill of all people?" She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Come on, doesn't the guy have any standards?"

The students watched with awe as Randal Gill continued to chomp into Mr Legitimate's neck. Strangely enough, Mr Legitimate had stopped screaming and now had an almost...dead look to his eyes.