CHAPTER ELEVEN
He's not dying . . .
DUMBFOUNDED, I stared at the food on my plate.
I can't stop thinking about Helix.
He has cancer? Despite that, he approached me, kissed me, and asked me out on a date?
Wasn't he too selfish?
"Shin?"
I came to my senses when Gerald called me.
"Why are you still here?" he asked, leaning on the wall.
I looked at him, confused.
"I thought you're going out on a date with Helix?"
My eyes widened. "How did you know?" As far as I know, Helix asked for my dad's permission, not Gerald's.
"Sabi ni Hel," he said, crossing his arms above his chest. "Dad said no, but I said yes, so go."
What?
Is this for real? He's letting me go out on a date? Or I was just hearing things?
"What's wrong with you? Why are you suddenly—letting me go out on a date?"
Sino ba namang hindi magtataka? Para siyang tanga sa sobrang higpit sa 'kin pagdating sa pakikipag-date, tapos bigla siyang papayag na para bang wala lang.
"Because it's Helix." He shrugged nonchalantly.
"And you know he loves someone else." I scoffed.
"Yes, but he's Helix. He's a nice guy. He won't let you down."
"Jesus, Gerald! He has a fucking cancer!" I snapped.
Nabalot ng katahimikan ang buong paligid. Lagi akong nakipagtataasan ng boses kay Gerald, pero ngayon lang ako sumigaw nang ganito.
"And you know it, that's why you're being nice to him and all." I forced a laugh. "You're willing to let me suffer knowing that he might be gone any fucking minute."
Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagkadismaya ko sa kanila. All this time, ako lang pala ang hindi nakaaalam.
"He has cancer, but he's not dying," he said as he sat across me.
"How sure are you about that?" hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko. "Nina had cancer too and now she's dead. Nakalimutan mo na ba?" madiin kong sabi.
He looked away and avoided my eyes. Hearing her name's still painful for him even after all these years, at ayaw kong maranasan ko rin 'yon.
Ayaw kong dumating 'yong araw na magluluksa ako dahil literal na wala na 'yong taong mahal ko.
At mas lalong ayaw kong mabuhay na para bang patay na ako.
That's how Gerald lives. He just doesn't notice it, but that's how he is.
"You can look for another girl to go out on a date with Helix. I don't want to live like you." Tumayo ako saka ko kinuha 'yong pinagkainan ko.
"Live like me? What are you trying to imply?" He scoffed in disbelief.
Muli akong lumingon sa kanya at tinitigan siya sa mga mata.
"You're still in love with your dead girlfriend, Gerald. And you're trying to date as many girls as you can to forget her. But you know what's even funnier? You always end up breaking their hearts because you're still in love with her."
***
I studied my reflection in the water.
"He should've asked Pauline instead. She's the love of her life, after all. Why would he want someone like you to handle a dying man like him, kung may iba naman siyang gusto? 'Di ba?"
"Damn right. That's what I'm saying," saad ko. Iyon ang bagay na hindi maintindihan ni Gerald at naiinis ako dahil hindi niya ako magawang intindihin sa bagay na 'to. Kapatid niya ako, for God's sake! Bakit niya ako pinagtutulakan sa taong mamamatay na?
I know it was easy for me to conclude that I've fallen for him at first sight. But when I learned he has cancer, and that he's in the rush to date me because he didn't want to be alone, that made me realize that love at first sight wasn't always that strong. I was just in love with the idea, but . . . I was not willing to go that deep just to end up having a fucking broken heart.
He asked me out on a date, kissed me in my room, asked for my dad's permission, made me believe everything was true, and made me think he did all that because he has felt something special for me too. But just when I found out that he did all that because he has cancer, I don't know, but it fucking pissed me off.
"Nice view," nakangiting sabi ni Kath saka niya kinuhaan ng litrato 'yong mga bundok sa harapan namin.
"I am actually disappointed with my brother. Alam mo 'yon, pinagbawalan niya akong mag-boyfriend, tapos ngayon kung ipagtulakan niya ako sa kaibigan niyang mamamatay na, kulang na lang sa sabihin niya sa 'kin na sumama na ako sa kanya sa langit. Why are they so selfish?" I groaned in frustration.
"Hey, you're exaggerating. Hindi naman gugustuhin ni Gerald na sumama ka kay Helix sa langit. Saka 'di ba, sabi naman ni Gerald, hindi naman mamamatay si Hel? May cancer lang 'yong tao pero hindi ka naman sure kung mamamatay nga talaga. Malay mo naman maka-survive pala, 'di ba? Kaya nga may cancer survivors."
Hindi ako umimik. Kahit ano pang sabihin nila, ayoko pa rin sa taong may posibilidad na maglaho sa mundong 'to.
***
WEEKENDS have passed. I haven't seen Helix. I didn't show up on our date either. He deserved it. He's a coward.
I just spent my weekend in a bookstore, buying books. And read them all inside my room.
Wala akong ganang pumunta sa kung saan man. Wala akong ganang makipag-usap kahit kanino.
Hindi pa rin kasi mawala sa isip ko 'yong nalaman ko. Kahit sino naman siguro ay matatakot at maiinis kapag nalaman na gano'n pala 'yong sitwasyon.
"Everything alright?"
Wala sa sarili kong napalingon kay dad na kumakain ng oatmeal sa gilid ko. Nag-aalala siyang nakatingin sa 'kin pero pilit akong ngumiti at tumango.
"Just thinking about school and stuff," pagsisinungaling ko. Ayoko nang dagdagan pa ang iniisip ni dad. Masyado na siyang maraming problema.
Pagkapasok ko sa school ay wala sa sarili akong naglakad sa hallway papunta sa first class ko pero natigilan ako nang biglang may tumawag sa pangalan ko.
Bahagya akong lumingon sa likuran ko at nakita ko si Kath na nagmamadaling tumakbo papalapit sa 'kin. "Have you heard?"
"About what?" nagtataka kong tanong.
Naghabol siya ng hininga bago sumagot.
"Helix underwent tracheostomy so he can breathe."
~
T I A N A V I A N N E
BINABASA MO ANG
She Crossed That Bridge
Teen FictionShinessa knows that Helix is worth the fight―until she discovers that he's dying soon. Now faced with a difficult situation, can Shin overcome her worries and move forward with Helix by her side? Or will she choose to leave him behind and save herse...
