Wintertime (Frerard, Sequel to Summertime)

22: Ryan Breaks His Bathtub And Brendon Struggles To Figure Out Why And How

"Fuck." Gerard choked out, pulling Frank into his arms, the two just standing there, holding one another tighter than was entirely necessary for what felt like years, but was still never long enough, because Frank reckoned that things would never be okay again, or at least not like they were before.

He moved his head from Gerard's chest, just taking one more glance at his mother, lying there in the dirt, and regretting it instantly as more tears began to stream down his face; he could barely process this at all, because all his life his father had told him that his mother had died of cancer, and she had had cancer, but it was becoming increasingly evident that it wasn't the cancer that had killed her, and he bit his lip as he remembered his father telling him he was too young to go to the funeral or visit her grave, every time, every year that he asked him until Frank just eventually stopped asking.

In a way, the forest had become the place in which he came think about her, his mind always full of the memories from when he was little kid and she'd taken him out there; he'd always felt safe there, like someone was protecting him, like the forest itself was perhaps, and really all this fucking time he'd been walking on top the very ground his mother was buried in.

He choked out a sob, "I..." He struggled to say something, anything, fuck, he just wanted, just needed Gerard to talk at him, to say anything he could believe, bullshit like this would all be okay, but it wouldn't, there was no fucking way anything would be the same anymore.

And it was in that moment that Frank came to realise that he hated his father for being dead so he could go and kill the guy himself, because it was evident the bastard had more to do with this and he would like people to know about, and then there was of course the constant lying and stream of bullshit, and fuck, it had been like he didn't even care at all: no remorse, no nothing, just alcohol and selfishness, because he couldn't fucking deal with the fact that his wife had gotten cancer; he'd blamed her, and once she was gone, he'd blamed Frank, and once Frank was gone, once Frank was finally gone, Mr Iero had begun to blame himself.

And Frank wanted to say that the guy deserved this, but as his mind flashed through images of his father hanging from the ceiling fan, of his father ready to end his fucking life, he couldn't stomach it, he couldn't stomach it at all.

He gripped Gerard tighter, his fingers digging into the point that they would hurt, but Frank couldn't let go of Gerard at all, because realisation hit him in the form of the fact that Gerard was the only person he really had left, and still, Gerard had killed himself, his father had killed himself, and his father had killed his mother.

And everyone had lied to him about it, lied to him about everything, and it wasn't cushioning the blow, or even prolonging it, it was just ensuring it hurt ten times worse when the truth inevitably came out.

Frank continued to cry into Gerard's chest for a good ten minutes, not a single word transferred between the two, because fuck, Gerard didn't know what to say at all, and Frank reckoned he really could not stop crying.

Until things began to click together in Gerard's mind, that was, "Frank," he began, running his fingers through his boyfriend's hair, "there's something you probably should know."

Frank bit his lip, pulling away just enough so he could see Gerard's face, "tell me." He demanded, certain of it, certain of the fact that he wasn't letting anyone lie to him anymore; he wanted the truth, he wanted all of it, because he couldn't believe he'd spent all his fucking life believing his mother had died of cancer, that the bastard he'd called a father had been innocent in all of this.

"The spirit," he began, wondering how Frank could possibly react, "the one you spoke to, she's not here anymore, but, she was the same spirit that spoke to me outside your house, the one I didn't listen to, and that spirit, she was your mother."