It's Just Ann

Chapter 31 - Tales of a Date

             "How did it go? When is he asking you out again? When will the families meet? Should we introduce him to your father?" Mum ask in rapid succession, I barely hear one question when she is shooting the next, making me dizzy even if I haven't even taken my shoes off yet. I'm just standing on the genkan, getting bombarded by Mum.

"Hold on, Mum. Let me get comfortable first," I reply.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm just so excited. This is your first date since you finished school, it's more serious now." she giggles, helping me by taking my purse and then walking by my side as I head to the kitchen. I'm not hungry, but I do get a glass of water.

"I noticed." I mumble. "You're more excited than I was."

"Oh, so you were excited! That's good. I thought you weren't, at some point." she comments, sitting across from me. "Don't you like the boy?"

"I do, but not like that," I try to explain. "He's a good friend. We decided to stay as that. He asked me out and I agreed to give him a chance, but I don't think I can like him like that."

"Why not? He's a nice boy and you're friends already. It shouldn't be hard. You know, not that long time ago not everyone got married because they were in love, love was born out of their team work and living together. Love actually takes a bit of will, too." Mum explains to me, as if she was old enough to be speaking like that, which is absurd because she isn't that old and she got married because of love.

"You fell in love and then married." I counterattack and she shakes her head.

"That's not what I mean, Ann, you know it. I mean that not because you don't feel butterflies the first time you see him it won't work out."

"Well, that's why I gave him a chance and went out with him today," I insist. "Because I wanted to try and like him back like that. But I... I don't think I honestly want that."

"Why?" Mum asks me. Her enthusiasms has faded away, her eyes look more serious and even her body language has changed. She is acting like my mother and not like a gossiping friend.

I look away, knowing exactly why I can't like Charlie as more than a friend. Seeing the face that my heart wants in my mind. I wish I could just have that control and determination to move on, but it isn't that easy even when I tell myself I want to. I don't really mean it, I think; a part of me still holds on to him. A part of me still wants to love him.

"There's someone else you like." Mum announces.

I betray myself when my head snaps in her direction, my eyes widening in shock that only reveals she has hit jackpot. I don't know if I look pitiful or scared, but Mum smiles comfortingly, reaching out for my hand over the table. Once she gets hold of one, she caress the back of it calmly, drawing circles with her fingertips, sending calming waves up my arms.

"It's an unrequited love, isn't it?" Mum keeps guessing.

I have never talked about these things to her, because it was never serious. The only date I had before wasn't something I was really excited about, so I didn't even mentioned it to her. I told her I was going out that day and that was all. I have never actually liked someone, so I have never even thought of talking about this topic with her. I do love her, I trust her and I normally don't have a problem opening up to her. I don't even know why I didn't tell her before about this.

"Yes," I confirm. She smiles a bit sadly, kissing my knuckles lovingly.

"Oh my dear Ann." she sighs. "I wish you wouldn't be in one. Those hurt a lot, especially when they are also your first love."

"Did you also have an unrequited love? Before Otousan, I mean."

"Of course." she replies, a kind smile now displaying. "When I was in school I was madly in love with my homeroom teacher." she laughs. "That was so impossible. I also liked a boy that was a year ahead, but he had a girlfriend already. It was very painful seeing them together."