My Michelle.- Complete Story!

Chapter 26 - First Step.

The following day Helen was keen to know how Michelle was feeling about the previous session. Michelle reported she felt much more positive and excited about the future. She still didn't have any more questions but only time would tell. Helen was very pleased with her progress and told her so. She then dropped another bombshell.

"I was thinking that we need to start your discharge programme."

"What's that?" Michelle looked worried.

"With all patients, we have a series of visits and home visits leading up to their complete discharge from our programme. I think you're ready for this."

"So I can go home for good?"

"Slow down ...not immediately. We will arrange for you to go out with Paul for an hour or so and build up to a weekend at home. It can take up to two months before we completely discharge you. We monitor you even closer than we have been dong Michelle so that we're sure you're definitely ready to go. If we discharge you too soon then there is a risk of you suffering a setback and having to be readmitted. I'll contact Paul and arrange for him to come and take you out for an hour later this week. We suggest somewhere quiet where you can just be together that isn't at home. Generally patients need to re – establish close relationships before going home. Is there anywhere you and Paul used to go where you could be just you?"

Michelle thought for a minute. "That's difficult for obvious reasons but there's Hampstead Heath – we walk the dog on Hampstead Heath almost everyday. Is that suitable?"

"Perfect."

Two days later the outing was arranged. Michelle sat ready in her room, watching the window for Paul's car. As it came into the car park she stood up, excited. "He's here!" she told Helen as she grabbed her coat.

"Slow down," said Helen calmly, "We need to make sure both you and Paul are clear on the rules."

"Rules?"

"The do's and don't's for today. Look Michelle, I know you're excited but you've not been in the outside world for over two months. It will seem very strange to go out from here, believe me."

Ten minutes later, Michelle walked hand in had with Paul to the car. She felt strangely shy of him. Once they were both settled in the car, Paul leaned over and kissed her. He took her totally by surprise. "It is so amazing to have you to myself at long last." He said softly.

She leaned over and kissed him back. "Thank you for sticking by me Paul!"

It was a short drive to Hampstead Heath. Getting out of the car, Michelle looked around. It was a warm sunny day and there were lots of dog walkers around. Paul let Martha, his mad Old English Sheepdog out of the car and they set off up the hill on their familiar route. As they walked they chatted comfortably to each other. In many ways it felt as though they had not been apart. Once at the top of the hill, they sat on a bench as the dog sniffed for rabbits. Paul put his arm around her and they her sat in a comfortable silence. After a time of just being together, he looked at him watch. "We'd better start heading back soon," he said softly, "its not far off the time Helen wanted you back. I suppose we can't be late first time out!" Michelle laughed and stood up. Paul whistled for the dog and, with her running around their feet, they walked back to the car, hand in hand. Once Paul pulled into the car park of the unit, Michelle felt her mood begin to drop. She had so looked forward to today but now it was over. She got out of the car and walked with him to the front door. Helen was waiting for them.

"Hello," she greeted them cheerfully, "Had a good time."

"Lovely." Paul enthused.

Helen watched as Michelle just nodded.

"You need to say your good byes now then Michelle."

"Can't Paul stay for a visit as well? I've not seen him properly for nearly a week!?"

"Sorry..no."

"Why?" Michelle suddenly found herself crying. She clung to him. "Please ..."

Helen moved forward and removed her from him. "Michelle, this is a normal reaction. You're overloaded. You need time to take in your trip out. Paul's had all this explained to him already. Come on – time for Paul to go."

Paul said good bye to her and turned to leave.

"Nooooo!"

Two other members of staff took Michelle back to her room as Helen saw him out, reassuring him that this was a normal reaction. After saying good bye to Paul herself, she found Michelle lying on her bed in tears.

"Come and tell me about your trip?"

"No, go away."

"Michelle, every patient feels like this after their first trip out."

Michelle sat up. "I feel like everything has been taken from me! Why? I was so happy and excited. Why has it all gone?"

"In your mind this trip with Paul was going to be something amazing for you both. Am I right?"

"Yes."

"And in reality, it was just a quiet walk with the dog. I wouldn't be surprised if sometimes it felt awkward because you didn't know what to say to him."

"That was only at first for a few minutes. We talked a lot after that."

"And everything now feels like and anticlimax – that's why you wanted Paul to stay – to keep that good feeling?"

Michelle nodded. "How do you know how I feel so much? You know even before I do!" Suddenly she laughed. "I'm sorry. I behaved like a spoilt toddler then! When can I do another trip or visit then?"

"Time for a little patience Michelle. We have to do some reflection and discussion before we plan the next one – but probably your next trip will be before the end of this week. OK?"

Nodding in agreement, Michelle was now looking her usual calmer self.

After several similar trips, Helen was pleased with the way Michelle was coping with the outside world. Often when people were hospitalized as she had been, it becomes a safety net which they rely on. If discharged too soon without their safety net gradually being removed, patients suffered major setbacks. Confident that this wasn't the case for Michelle, Helen explained the next step for her.

"A whole day? At home? That would be fantastic – thank you! When?"

"I discussed it with Paul, be ready for 9.30am tomorrow." Helen was pleased with Michelle's obvious delight.