My Michelle.- Complete Story!

Chapter 48 - Normality?

The day after the funeral James and Kathryn decided it was time to face going back to school. Despite their mother's concern it was too soon, they were keen to return to their A level studies. Alice was still tearful and unwilling to go.

"It's never going to be an easy thing to do love," Michelle told her sobbing daughter, "but leaving it longer and longer won't help. Go back today, let Kathryn and James support you. You can always ring and I'll come and collect you all if you feel it's too much. What do you think?

Just half an hour later Michelle waved James, Kathryn and Alice off as Mike drove them to school.

"Can I go too mum?"

Michelle looked at Michael, who was already dressed in his school uniform.  "Do you want to?"

He nodded. "I think so..."

"OK. Just let me tell Rose then collect my keys."

A few minutes later Michelle met her young son in the hallway. He was clutching his lunch bag and coat. She smiled at him.  "Are you sure about this Michael?"

Again he nodded.

"Come on then."

The journey to school was completed in silence. As Michelle pulled up outside the school, Michael remained silent. He looked unsure.

"Do you want me to come in with you? Just for today?"

Michael swallowed. "Will you mum?"

Michelle smiled. "Your sister and brother have each other for moral support. You can have me eh?"

Michael suddenly hugged his mother. "I love you so much mum!"

Michelle just hugged her son back,  not speaking for tears threatened. "And I love you so much sweetheart."

"But I really miss my dad."

Michelle looked into his sad face and pale blue eyes. "We all do baby! Me, your uncle Mike, your brother and sisters. We all do."

 Hand in hand, Michelle walked Michael into school. They entered through the main entrance and asked to see the head teacher. She welcomed Michael back gently and with great consideration, then, as one of Michael's friends walked passed the room, she suggested that he went with them to class. He hesitated.

"Go with your friend Michael." Michelle urged, "Everyone knows what has happened so you won't have to talk about your dad unless you want to. OK?"

He nodded, still looking unconvinced.

"...and, like I said to the others this morning, if a full day is too much then school can ring me and I'll come and get you. How does that sound?"

"...Ok..."

"One last hug?"

Michael launched himself on her, hugging her hard. "See you later then mum."

"Bye." Michelle felt tears prick her eyes.

She watched her son walk down the corridor with his friend and suddenly felt very alone.

"Right," she turned her attention back to the head teacher, "Thank you for supporting Michael at this time. I really appreciate it...." Her voice cracked and the tears began to fall. The head teacher took her hand and led her to a chair.

"Mrs. McCartney, please be assured that we will give Michael all the help and support we can. Would you like a drink or something?"

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed, "I don't mean to take up your time..."

"Mrs. McCartney you're not." The head teacher handed her a glass of water which she sipped gratefully.

 Michelle began to regain her composure. She sighed then gave the head teacher a watery smile. "I'm really worried about Michael," she said suddenly, "he's so quiet now. If his dad is mentioned he leaves to room. Its like he doesn't know what to do or how to grieve."

"Young children deal with grief in different ways to adults Mrs. McCartney. But we will keep a close eye on him and let you know how he is."

"He blames himself for Paul's death!"

The head teacher looked astounded. "Why?"

"Paul was killed as we were walking home from parent's evening. Michael's convinced that because it was his parent's evening, it was his fault it happened! I keep trying to explain it's not the case but..." she began to cry again. "I'm sorry.... I should go..."

"Mrs. McCartney, Michael will be safe here and looked after. Take some time for yourself and try not to worry too much about Michael."

"Thank you....and please, you will ring if there's anything won't you?"

"Of course ...and if you're worried, ring and ask for me and I'll check on Michael personally for you."

"Thank you." Michelle left the heads office and walked back to the car. She got in and sighed in relief before driving home.

 Mike collected the children from school as Michelle prepared their evening meal. Later on, as the family were seated around the table, she saw that all four of her children were looking more relaxed. A day of 'normality' away from a home filled with sadness had done wonders for them all. Michael even joined the conversation willingly for the first time since Paul had died. She felt relieved. Once the meal was over, for the first time, the children went off to do their own things as they would have done before Paul's death. Michelle sat in the kitchen chatting with Rose and Mike.

"I've booked my ticket back to Liverpool Michelle." He announced suddenly. "I go the day after tomorrow."

"Oh!" Michelle was shocked. "It's a bit sudden."

"He mentioned it last week," said Rose softly.

"Did you? I'm sorry I don't remember." She looked at Mike. "Thanks for being here Mike. I don't know how I'd have got this far without you here. I know you've been a great comfort to the children which I am so grateful for."

Mike smiled. "I just wished I could have spent this time with you all under better circumstances Michelle... but I need to go back. I can't really take more time away from work. When do you think would be the best time to tell the children?" 

"Why not now," said Rose quietly, "that way they'll get used to the idea before it happens."

Saying goodbye to Mike a few days later was much harder than Michelle expected. She realized how much she had come to rely on him and enjoy his company. The kids hugged him as he promised to phone them regularly. When he turned to Michelle he hugged her for a long time then kissed her softly on the forehead.

"You look after yourself OK?"

She nodded, fighting back the tears that threatened.

"You'll be fine, all of you," he said, releasing Michelle from his hug and passing her to James. "Remember, Paul is looking down on you all and keeping you safe." His eyes filled with tears too. He kissed each of the children in turn. "Look after your mum for me ...she's been brave so far but she needs to grieve too. OK?"

After giving Michelle a final hug he climbed into the waiting taxi and was gone. Once the house was quiet, Michelle sat at the desk in the office space she and Paul had used and wrote a letter to Mike.

 "Dear Mike,

I want to take this opportunity to say thank you for all your support over the last month, especially when you were grieving too for your "big bro."

It has been lovely to get to know you more – and I only wish it could have been under happier circumstances. Even amongst the sadness, you have filled our home with laughter and joy with your stories of you both when you were children. I know Paul would have enjoyed those discussions immensely!!

I wanted to say that if there is anything of Paul's that you would like to have, as a keepsake or something like that, then please tell me. I am enclosing a CD which he and I were working on before everything. Some of the songs are still in "rough" and there's Paul's talking voice too. (It's wonderful to hear his voice again!)

Take care – stay safe.

Michelle xxx