thirty - two

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// thirty - two //

It was the longest car ride of Ella's life. Not in minutes, because the drive truly only lasted half an hour; the atmosphere inside the Honda and the apprehension for what was to come seemed to split each millisecond and stretch it outwards in length. As she drove, everything inside the car was deadly silent, and Ella imagined that the foreboding stillness was not unlike that of an empty desert, suffocating from the heat and holding its breath before the raging sandstorm.

Ella could scarcely breathe, and it was a wonder she didn't crash the car into the bumper of the Hummer they were following. She had thought Ryan would be incapable of driving, so she had gotten behind the wheel – and now, with the way Ryan was clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly, arms shaking from the strain of anger, Ella was positive he was incapable of driving. He appeared to be on the edge of exploding.

When the Hummer pulled to a stop beside the curb in front of them, it was nearly dawn. Ella shakily turned the wheel and parked behind it, anxiously pressing the brakes too suddenly and causing the seatbelt to dig into her collarbone. Shutting off the engine, Ella glanced up through the windshield to take in their surroundings; they were parked in front of several apartment buildings, which stretched farther down the length of the street into a murky vanishing point.

"Ella."

Ryan's voice had come out in a whisper, with a voice that sounded tightly controlled. She looked over to see he was clutching the duffel bag with everything he had, knuckles blanched white and arms straining from the pressure. He was staring straight ahead through the glass of the windshield, the faint light of the rising sun casting shadows against the hollows of his cheeks. Slowly, he told her, "Stay behind me the entire time. Please, please stay behind me. Don't say anything unless you have to."

Her heart had forced its way into her throat, her voice trapped inside her vocal cords with fear. She was terrified, and this wasn't the same sort of terrified that arose from robbing gas stations. This was the kind of terrified that clutched her heart and squeezed, that took away the breath from inside her lungs in a single second; it was the sort of terrified that occurred when everything seemed to be ending, yet falling apart all at once.

All she could do was breathe, "Okay."

The doors of the Hummer before them slammed shut. Kurt and the other man had stepped out of the vehicle and were retrieving several heavy duffel bags from the trunk, bags that Ella knew belonged to Ryan. They'd gone through the contents of his closet while the house was empty, looting through it and easily taking the money Ryan had risked his life to steal for them.

Ella felt hate boil in her stomach, mixing with the fear.

Ryan stepped out of the Honda, and Ella followed suit. Her hands shook as she shut the driver's side door, but she focused all her attention on stilling them to hide it. She didn't want any of them to know how absolutely terrified she was.

The walk into the apartment building was over much too quickly. Ella oddly felt as though she was watching herself walking beside Ryan, following Kurt inside the building with the other man behind them. But it wasn't the same as when she had witnessed herself robbing the convenience store on her own; this time, she could see how terrified she was, how her face was pale as a sheet. Where was the animalistic girl now, who had pointed a gun at an innocent man as though it was completely natural? What had happened to the wild girl with kohl-lined eyes, red lipstick, and fiery eyes?

Ella was none of that now. She was scared, and anyone could see it, and she hated herself for it.

They climbed three flights of stairs. Ryan walked so close to Ella that his arm constantly brushed against hers, but the feeling of his body bumping into hers every so often was the only reason Ella hadn't completely fallen into a panic. She wasn't going into this alone, because this was Ryan's battle and she was going to stand beside him until it was finally over.

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