Butterfly - BTS

Chapter Five

Jimin was the first to go.

He had gotten pneumonia from when his girlfriend, whom he was deeply infatuated with, asked him to go skiing with her family. Upon return, he had overworked himself during rehearsals, which worsened his condition, and fell extremely ill. He'd stayed in the hospital for two weeks and was bedridden for another three after discharge.

Jimin had always been insecure. I had watched him starve himself and then puff out his cheeks in the mirror to see if they'd gotten slimmer. I had seen him jump like he was on a pogo stick to the point where he would throw up what little food that was in his stomach to grow taller. I had noticed that he would practice much longer than the others when he wasn't hitting all the moves perfectly, and I had stared as he had drawn on eyeliner every day, almost refusing to leave without it. I had comforted him while he cried too many times.

The month he had spent completely bedridden and the time after that he had spent weak had left an impact on his body. He had become frail, losing most of the fat on his body, a lot of muscle, and most importantly, to him, his six pack.

Some fans went berserk when pictures of Jimin were released to the public, and a lot of anti-fans started hating on him and called him worthless now that the "only thing good about him was gone."

In turn, the company started cracking down on Jimin to get his body back in shape. According to them, enough time had passed for him to heal, and he had to go back to how his body was before or Bangtan would start losing fans and money. I recalled waiting outside the BigHit office for Jimin the day they told him that. He had come back outside with teary eyes and a quivering mouth.

Jimin's insecurities had only been confirmed by the people and by the company. He started pushing himself harder each time a new rumor surfaced. Though his body was still fragile, he began lifting weights that were too heavy and working out too much. I had tried to warn him that his body wasn't the same and couldn't do what it used to, but he just wouldn't listen. He was in denial. I'd find him collapsed on the floor of the gym, panting and crying. He'd refuse to meet my eyes every time and try again. It broke my heart every time.

His girlfriend had broken up with him shortly after the first rumors surfaced. She didn't want to be seen with him; her image was too important. The day that happened had left him leaning against a wall with his head in his hands. Tears had been leaking through his fingers.

Jimin's last days were his worst.

We barely ever saw him anymore. He had locked himself in the gym, and BigHit didn't intervene. They approved. I would find him staring listlessly into his reflection or sprawled over gym equipment with his eyes blank.

Where had the Park Jimin I knew gone?

When we met in the studio, his usually breathy and emotional vocals had been replaced with clean, static ones. His expressions usually changed with the song, but now it remained the same no matter what song we were recording. His eyes had become blank spheres that looked into nothing, and his mouth moved like a robot's.

I should've known that his last day was coming.