next door » joshler [book #1]

thirty six » what i've been hiding

trigger warning for drug mention and rape mention ok bye

"obviously there's some things we need to talk about." 

"like mitch." josh props his chin up with his hand and raises an eyebrow at tyler, waiting for him to answer.

"yeah," tyler sighs, "like mitch." his eyes flicker across the room. "and the fact that you're hiding so many goddamn things from me."

"--sorry? what am i hiding from you, exactly?" josh's eyes narrow. 

tyler scoffs. "don't. be. stupid." his tongue darts out to wet his lips. "i know you've got secrets, for fuck's sake, josh. i do too! that's the point of a relationship. we're supposed to be open."

"alright, you go first then. what're you hiding?" josh's lips quirk up into a smirk and he stares at tyler expectantly. "go on."

tyler bites his lip in frustration. "no, that's not what i meant-"

"so you don't have secrets?" josh interrupts. "sorry, i'm just confused." 

"yes! okay? yes, i have fucking secrets. and i don't want to fucking tell you. obviously." tyler's face slowly grows red. "look, josh..."

the smirk on josh's face widens. "i've got secrets too," he grins, "and oh man, you would hate me if you found out."

tyler's blood runs cold. "what do you mean?" he asks quietly. "what did you do?"

josh blinks smugly. 

"what. did. you. do?"

in answer, josh pulls out a cigarette and lights it, languidly settling it between his lips. tyler's eyes widen. "oh, you know, couple of pretty illegal things..." he chuckles, smoke curling from his mouth. "but it's cool. it's all cool."

"when was this?"

"mm, about a year ago, maybe? it was with mitch. lots of fun, lemme tell ya." josh pulls the cigarette from his mouth and twists his head to the side, blowing out smoke. "wanna know more?"

tyler nods, terrified.

"right. so. mitch was, hmm, how should i say this... pretty involved in the drug scene. y'know. started out with weed and shit. no big deal, i still buy some every once in a while. eventually he became a drug dealer, not just user, and it all went pretty downhill from there. well, for us, it was uphill. mitch had money and drugs, we could get high whenever we wanted... it was fuckin' paradise." josh pauses, his eyes staring off into the distance as if remembering. "lots of coke, man. it was wild. lots of coke. anyway, i'm pretty sure i once went a week completely stoned off my face, the entire week. just nonstop drugs and shit. i loved it." he has a wicked grin on his face, while tyler looks like he's about to pass out.

"t-then what?"

"so, mitch has a run in with the police, they catch him with the drugs... not they, sorry. it was only one dude. he's threatening to arrest us, all that shit, and mitch just- y'know, takes out his gun, and like, shoots him. bam. the guy's dead. mitch and i, we know some dudes, and they help us dispose of the body."

tyler is staring. 

"anyway, that's when i realize that i'm a fucking idiot, and that's when mitch starts to get abusive. i tell him i want to break up, and he-" josh shrugs. "y'know, he slaps me across the face and tells me not to be stupid. there goes another week where i'm not sober. i can't count how many times he tied me to the bed and fucked me despite me screaming no. i'm pretty sure he had a rape fantasy or something- apparently the fact that i was his boyfriend made it consensual."

he's pleased to see the shock on tyler's face. it's a sick form of pleasure. 

"time goes on, he keeps abusing me... finally, one day, he's at work, and i call my friend- you don't know him. gabe. god bless him. anyway, he gets me out, drives me to a random town and hands me couple thousand dollars. y'know. just enough for me to start over. and that's it, really. and that's how i found you."

he stops and takes a breath, watching tyler.

"but yeah, that's my secret... now what's yours, kitten?"