Whoa Baby

Chapter 57- In Non Couples Therapy

                  

Whoa Baby

Chapter 57- In Non Couples Therapy

"Honesty is the highest form of intimacy." -Lisa M. Hayes

Honesty is like a double edge sword. You want the truth, but you don't want the truth to hurt you. The sooner you tell the truth, the less painful it will be, but, holding off will only make matters worse. I can tell you this though, when JC used honest and safe place in the same sentence I knew it was no good. Ever since three nights ago, when JC came back from his last class, asking me to come to his next therapy session, it hasn't left my mind. It constantly haunted me, wondering what could possibly be wrong or how bad it could be.

Ever since then it's been like tip toeing around egg shells. Not saying much, sometimes not even speaking at dinner. The night before though, as I heard JC throw the couch cushions on the floor and pull out the bed I made my way to the living room, standing there quietly until he noticed.

"What's on your mind?" He asks, grabbing a couple of pillows to throw on the bed for himself.

"A lot actually." I mumble, crossing my arms so it was almost as if I were hugging myself. I walk over to the side of the bed he was sitting on. Sitting on my feet, I looked at him, hoping he'd remember this, "Whatever you think is going to happen tomorrow, no matter how I act, no matter the awful stuff we'll probably say to each other, just promise me one thing." He nods his head for me to go on, "Don't leave us."

His mouth parted as he stared off into nothing again. I wrap my arms around his neck, laying my head on his shoulder, "Why are you thinking that?" He asks me.

"Because it's always better to prepare for the worst so that your hope for something positive isn't shattered." I tell him. It might be a horrible way to think, but I knew I had to prepare myself for whatever was to come because I didn't have a good feeling about tomorrow.

I almost backed out the next morning, thinking maybe some things are just better left unsaid, but I knew that wasn't true. It had to be incredibly important though if JC wanted to talk to me about something in a "safe environment" where my actions and emotions could be "controlled".

"Did we really have to leave Colton at my mom's house?" I ask him as we drive toward the high way after dropping off Colton with my mom for a little bit.

"I just think its better that way." JC says, not taking his eyes off the road.

I knew he was probably feeling more nervous than I was, but I couldn't help the feeling of my stomach all tied up in knots or how fidgety I was being. "JC can't we just talk about it by ourselves. Do we really need professional help?"

"My therapist said she could help me through it. I know you too well, you're going to get angry at me, and at least she'll be there to calm you down." He explains.

Before I could ask why his therapist though, and not just have a friend or family member mediate our conversation, I figured it was something he didn't want someone else to know. Or maybe he wanted someone that wouldn't take sides. Nevertheless, I didn't feel good about this visit or conversation.

I didn't know until recently that JC has been going to a therapist. He's always told me he never went, and he never mentioned it again until the other day when he asked me to go to his next visit. I sat in the passenger's seat for the remainder of the awkward silence car ride, nervously and anxiously. I didn't know where we were going, or how much longer it would be until JC pulled up to a cozy, yet elegant house. All the lights in the front of the house were turned on, as dusk approached.