Fix Me Alpha

Chapter 1

When I was little I never put much effort into thinking about how everything worked. As in, how do we have heat, clean water, and really all of our "necessities". I never thought about how our parents had to constantly work to provide for us. I never felt privileged to have these things, it was more of why would I not? It wasn't until my Junior High year that I really put any thought into it, and the only reason I did was because our teachers started asking what we were going to do after we graduated. At that moment I figured I still had so much time, little did I know life decided that was when it ought to speed up. Next thing I knew I was celebrating graduating High School, leaving what I thought was my personal hell hole, when in reality it wasn't the school that had me in depression all of my life. It was my past. Now lots of people have their problems and I'm not saying mine surpass' yours or that mine are more important, which I guess they are to me, but I had it rough. With every turn there was two ways things could go, they could benefit me or they could go so terribly wrong that I thought it would just be better to be dead. That's right, I was the shy girl who had to hide her scars. I was the girl who had to hide myself from the world because if I faced it they wouldn't be able to hide their disgust.

Things started to get better though. Yes, the silver-lining if you will, or maybe I should call it the calm before the storm... because at the end of Junior High I decided enough was enough with my father, Damien. Right in the middle of the class he decided to text me using his "charms" to make me think I was in the wrong for telling him he needed to leave me alone while I cleared my head. He freaked out, as much as you can over text, and called me a liar and a bitch. He said how he would never do this to me because he loves me and family doesn't treat each other this way. I laughed out loud right in the middle of class. He called me a liar and I hadn't even said an accusation or anything! As my chuckles died down the next thing I knew I was bawling in the middle of class, you'll get to know me more as the story continues but heads up... I'm a crier. My male teacher stood there shocked, as if he'd never witnessed a girl crying before, but to be fair everyone was looking at me like I lost my mind. Finally he told me to take a walk and get some water. Very comforting. Luckily I had one good friend who knew everything about me and my past who came with me. Not so luckily though, we ran into one of the guidance counsellors "helpers" who talked us into coming to a empty room to talk. I'll never forget this moment because it's when everything changed.

"Do you want to talk about why you're so upset?" Mrs. Johnson asks softly

"No! I don't want people to know. It's my own business!" I cry harder

"This is a safe place Emily, you can say whatever you want and I promise to tell no one."

"No one?" my crying calmed down.

I was excited! I could tell an adult and get their advice! Yeah, right. I told her everything... every-thing.

She just sat there and nodded when it was appropriate, and my best friend held my hand trying not to cry. After that I felt better, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Cut to one week later and in the same damn class the trustworthy Mrs. Johnson took me outta class, as if my piers needed more reason to think I had problems. I walked out surprised to be confronted by not one, but two "concerned faces". Yeah, that's right, Mrs. Untrustworthy blabbed her mouth to the head guidance counsellor! Now don't get me wrong I understand how she had to do it now, but she sat there and told me how she wouldn't tell a soul... and then BAM Blind sided. So I had to talk to them both and repeat everything, now saying it once helped, reliving it all again so soon had me breaking. Once again they swore that it was a "safe place" and they weren't even legally aloud to talk to anyone about it, and back then I didn't know that they had legal obligation to go to the police so to say I trusted them would be an understatement.

Trust. The thing that started this. My young child mind with nothing but trust and love coursing through her. I know better now though.

I was in my room playing a board game with my one and only friend, Sabrina, when a really loud knock sounded at the door. You could almost tell that something was going to go down. Any other time me and Sabrina would have ignored the door, but this time it was intimidating almost. So I told her to stay and I opened the door to Officer Shilo Jabobs. My mother, Crystal, invited him in, and he stated that he was there to follow up on sexual abuse claims from one Emily Presto. So then begins my journey of going to court. Against my own Father. A man who I never wanted to see again.

I went up to Nashmoore that Christmas to visit family. I remember the last time I spoke to my grandparents, from my fathers side. We had plans, I was going over there after dinner and mom was going to drop me off. Everyone was going to be there from that side of the family... I didn't think much of it, I just knew I wanted to see them. We made the plans over the phone that I was to come over at 4pm, and when the time came mom told me I didn't have to call and that we could just head on over. Luckily I had a bad feeling and decided I should call... because, guess what, my father had gotten there before me and told them only God knows what. They never answered another call I made towards them. They all blocked me on social media... all ties were cut. This was when depression really hit me.

My mom, step-dad and I stayed at my mothers parents house while we were in Nashmoore and to say they were always drunk would be an understatement. Christmas Eve they had about a dozen too many, and then it kicked off. I believe it started because grandfather was mad that my dog wasn't fixed... no clue to why he was upset... she was the only dog in the house. Long story of fighting, pushing, and crying later, the cops came and we drove home six hours away to Linx Lake at one in the morning.

I went from thinking that I wasn't going to have enough seats for my grad, to giving more than half away to people who needed them. It cut deep, and I didn't care for much anymore. Family doesn't mean much to me, you ask all these people and they say family is everything, that you can do anything as long as you have family... But what happens when that family ignores you like you never existed. Makes me think that anyone at anytime could drop you if they felt like it. I'm defensive to even my own mother at times. My only family is my sister, Nicole, and my mother, and even those ties are ready to break at any point. Nicole already lives in Nashmoore with her own family so I never see her, and my mother has also hurt me too many times in the past to get over.

So after High School... I decided to get away. To go and make my own life, and that is what I am doing right now. Nicole is driving, much too fast, to Nashmoore, the place that will either make me or break me. It's kind of ironic that I'm heading back to place where so many bad things happened, but there is no way I'm staying in that shitty trailer in Linx Lake for another second. My step-dad, Joseph, is a main reason of getting the nuggets outta there. Yelling and screaming is what his portfolio would be made out of.

My thoughts are interrupted by Nicoles screeching voice,

"We're here!"

Looking up I see a small dorm house, brown and old, but right on campus. You could literally see the entrance to the main building from here! I hate walking so this is a relief. I can tell Nicole knows what I'm thinking cause she huffs,

"Lazy-ass"

I just stick my tongue out at her and get out of the car. I stretch my legs, six hours is a long freaking time.

I start to dive right into moving my stuff so I start taking it out of the back seat and trunk and pile it on my new front lawn. The house is kinda creeptastic, definitely a ghost or two for me to talk to.

Joking! Though that would be pretty fricken cool.

Once me and Nicole get all of my stuff out she looks at me awkwardly.

"Sooo..." she stretches out rocking back and forth on her feet.

"What? Spit it out!" I tilt my head in way of saying 'can you speak'.

"I gotta go feed my kitten. She's been left alone too long, my roommate left her two hours ago. I can't help you with... this" she gestures at all my bags and boxes.

To be honest I expected this so I just raise my eyebrows in a 'go ahead' attitude. She quickly hops into her orange vehicle and rolled down the passenger window,

"If you need anything text me! Good luck!" and with that she's gone.

I sigh as I look at all my heavy boxes, this'll be fun.