sugar daddy » jack gilinsky

Fifty

I wake up, not feeling my usual and confident self. I feel lanky and so weak. To the point where I'm not even bothered by the sun shining into my eyes anymore. I've grown too lazy and I don't even feel like closing my blinds sometimes.

I roll around my bed, stretching myself out. Should I even get up? What do I even have to do today? I sit up in my bed, looking around my room. It's such a mess. I'm usually organized with everything, but this, this is so different.

I stand on my feet, feeling wobbly and unbalanced. I then walk into the bathroom, looking into the mirror. My mascara from yesterday smudged under my eyes like a raccoon and my hair in a messy nest.

I wash my face first and then brush my teeth. I'm so lazy and weak, I almost used the lotion on my counter as toothpaste. I could barely even squeeze the toothpaste from the tube. To say I've been skipping meals and laying in bed would be man understatement.

I rinse my mouth and then walk out of the bathroom, examining my closet, I should probably do my laundry because most of my clothing is dirty. I put on some running shorts and a tank top. Wow, I'm dressed so nice.

I lay back down my bed and just close my eyes for a split moment. I'm not tired. I just need to close my eyes and not overthink things. All I need to worry about is college. Fall is right around the corner and that means school is starting.

I'm not even close to ready or prepared. I'm just stressing because I might actually have to take the year off or go to community college.

*

"How are you?" My mom softly asks me, startling me.

I've been looking at the blank TV for the past half an hour just thinking about life. I've been doing that a lot recently and I know that my mom wants to know what's up with my life.

She's been working less and I hate to think that it's because she wants to watch after me. I'm still healthy and perfectly capable of taking care of myself... I think.

"Not so good." I let out a light laugh.

I'm just gonna be honest with her and tell her how it is. I'm not gonna lie and say everything is alright, and that I'm living the best life a teenager could ever live because that's not true. I'm slowly breaking apart at the seams.

"Why?" She pouts, taking a seat on the couch next to me.

She's so well put together and I'm such a mess. How is she my mother? I play with my fingers, speaking up.

"Pretty much all of my friends turned against me." I bite my bottom lip.

God, I can feel the tears beginning to weld up in my eyes. I wonder what position I'd be in today if I've never met Jack. Maybe I'd be hanging out with my friends and applying for more colleges, trying to get accepted where they got accepted.

"Things will get better." My mom tells me and that's literally what every mom says. "This is just a temporary problem."

"That's what they all say." I sigh.

"I'm telling you the truth. I don't know a lot about your personal life, but I know that you're a smart and outgoing girl. You're going to make a lot of friends in college. You have an outstanding personality, everyone loves you."

Not everyone. I pick at my nails and nod my head at her words. I don't want to be rude and just stay as still as a stone and not say anything. That was a nice mini motivational speech. It's going to be hard making new friends.

Soon, my dad and brother come downstairs too. Great, family bonding time when I feel like shit. My brother quickly goes outside to grab all of the mail in the mailbox and j draw patterns with my finger onto my leggings.

"Do you feel old yet?" My dad asks me.

"Yes. I'm 18." I lean my head onto my hand which is propped up from my elbow being rested on the armrest.

"You're about to be off to college soon. I'm going to miss your buoyant self."

When was the last time I had a real conversation with my mom and dad? I've been so caught up with Jack, I'm barely ever home, but now that we're no longer together, I'm always here and I never leave this house. The door squeaks open.

"We have so much mail." Kaiden says, walking into the living room with his arms full of papers.

"When was the last time we checked the mail?" I ask.

"I get the mail everyday because I have to keep an eye out for bills." My dad says.

My brother slides the mail towards me and my name is written in bold on the front of a white packet. I tear open the paper envelope. My heart stops and it catches in my throat. I can't believe what I'm seeing.

An NYU acceptance letter...

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The END of this first book :'-) thank you so much for reading this book.