Kiss Me ⇒ Camren

• 15 •

Camila

My body is shaking and trembling in Lauren's arms as I continue to try and pull away.

"It's not your fault, babe." She whispers against my hair.

"Stop saying it's not my fault! Stop saying it's not my fault!" I scream over and over into her chest, the words coming out muffled.

I continue to fight her grip which only becomes stronger and it's not long until my body starts to get tired. My effort to fight her only dies down and I feel angry at myself for not being able to escape her. I don't want her pity. Not when I deserved what happened to me. I'm the reason she's miserable. She should hate me right now.

We sit in silence for what feels like forever, my body still trembling in her arms and my throat feeling dry from screaming into her chest. More guilt rises in me which should be impossible by now because I'm already filled to the brim with it.

Eventually the guilt is going to build so much that I'm going to pop like a balloon. Eventually Lauren is going to find out. Eventually Lauren is going to hate me. I can feel myself about to do something that I'm going to regret, not thinking twice about the words leaving my lips.

"I told him to pick me up." I admit as quietly as I can into her chest, hoping she doesn't hear.

But oh god, does she hear.

I'm immediately pushed back from her chest, her arms unwrap from around me. I try desperately to keep hold of her, but she unwraps my arms, leaving me to wrap them around my own waist in comfort, but it's not the same.

"You what?!" She growls, reminding me of the way Austin does when he's angry.

"I'm sorry." I respond shakily through a sob.

"You just... you asked him to do this?!" Her voice continues to grow angrier.

"No I -" I try to explain but I stop because what am I suppose to say?

'Oh yeah, I was really hurt that you ran away from the kiss because I'm completely in love with you and the fact you ran away from me afterwards makes it obvious you don't feel the same way about me so I decided I needed to get over you and that the best way to do it was to call Austin and see if he still wanted me but for some stupid reason I wasn't expecting him to take it this far.'

"You what, Camila?" She challenges furiously.

"I love him!" I blurt out the first thing that comes to my head other than the truth.

"That is a fucking lie, Camila! That is a damn lie and you know it! I'm sick of this! You're hiding something from me!" She shouts, tears of hurt and anger suddenly pouring from her eyes.

I look away, the heart wrenching pain hitting me hard. She's right. I'm lying to her. And that's not okay.

Her eyes are burning holes into me, I can feel them. It actually begins to feel quite painful - or maybe that's just the suffocating silence.

"Are you going to tell me?" She asks after what seems like forever.

I don't respond, just keep looking down at my hands. Telling her isn't a choice. Lying to her isn't a choice either - at least not right now.

"No." I whisper quietly after a long moment of intense silence.

"Get. Out." She growls, pointing to her door.

My stomach hurts and I feel overwhelmingly sick as the tears only continue to flow. What've I done? Why did I tell her this knowing I couldn't back myself up? I've ruined everything.