This was definitely one of those games that didn't go my way.
While I tried to give my best performance every game that I played, today was a mess. The entire team was off and I couldn't win by myself. We were playing a good season this far but our opponent, Houston Dash, was controlling the game this far. Our home crowd wasn't pleased with us but kept cheering to keep spirits alive. We were one hour in and down by one goal.
Scoring was usually not a problem for me. I was the top scorer of the league this far. However, like everything else in soccer, scoring also relied on teamwork. If I didn't get the ball or right pass, it was increasingly difficult to put the ball in the back of the net. My frustration levels were reaching a high that had gotten me in trouble before. I wasn't as quick-tempered as in my youth but I was nowhere near as calm as others. That temper was part of me and my gameplay. It was a challenge to balance but I did a better job at it with time.
While I didn't want to think about it too much, this was a surely a day where I missed having Lauren on the field with me. Her style of play had always been perfectly aligned with mine. She had had the ability to pass me the ball no matter how small the space, or how many defenders were around. That precision of hers had made sure that only I would get the ball.
Of course that wasn't only about me. She had played that way with everyone else as well and it was a huge loss for the national team especially. Even after all this time I couldn't help myself but wish she was still playing. Dwelling on the past wouldn't amount to anything though -which was why I snapped out of it quickly to refocus.
I had gotten some criticism, especially when I had been younger, that I was too selfish as a player. Therefore I had worked on being more of a team player in the past years. For whatever reason, it didn't work today and I subconsciously morphed back into the angry seventeen year-old that dribbled around everyone in her way. Some didn't like it but I didn't care at this point. One of my strengths was my speed and I used it to my advantage.
Signaling my teammates to send in long balls, I didn't the get the first one. But the second time I had the opportunity, I outran the opposing player easily. There were two more defenders guarding the penalty box and my brain was shut off during those moments. My body seemed to make decisions quicker than my mind was able to process. Running towards the defenders at such a high speed, it was difficult for most other players to do anything else, but I used the stepover moves that I was infamous for. The defenders were too slow to follow the quick but subtle change of direction with the ball. I didn't hesitate but took a shoot with my left foot.
In a matter of seconds I saw the ball flying over the goalkeeper's hand, almost hitting the bar but still going in. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as soon as the crowd cheered loudly and my teammates embraced me in joy.
It was the wake-up call we had needed and the next thirty minutes were a battle. In the end we didn't manage to score another goal and tied 1-1. I wasn't happy with the result but there wasn't anything I could do about it now.
This weekend was a tough one for me anyway. My parents were in New York to visit. In fact, they were somewhere in the crowd with Lara and maybe that had also sparked some of my old temper. Coming off the field, I approached the bench and drank some water before I almost dropped the water bottle.
Lauren was walking towards me with a cautious smile on her face. I hadn't seen her since that horrible conversation with us taking some time to think. We had talked on the phone and texted but she had kept her distance like I had wanted. Not seeing her in over a week caused an explosion of butterflies in my stomach. There was no denying that I missed her. So I reciprocated her smile until she reached me.
