Use Me, Royal Stranger (mxm)

Chapter 20 - What We've Lost

Media: I'm Not The Only One - Sam Smith

    Days went on by with absolutely no improvement to Carlen's physical or mental health. If anything, it would seem as though he looked paler and sicker by the day. In the mornings, he would drag his feet out of bed, his muscles and head protesting his every move as he prepared himself to work all day in the healing room. Sometimes, before he even makes it out of his quarters, he would have thrown up at least once or twice, making him look even more exhausted. His loss of weight from the lack of an appetite was very concerning. Carlen would spend his day in absolutely silence as we goes about doing his tasks in the healing room.

    Healer Naomi, who had just gotten back just days ago, had compared it akin to a lifeless being just functioning on sheer will. She had been absolutely appalled at the state that Carlen was in when she saw him. She had immediately tried to fuss over him, but when she tried to approach him to ask him what happened to him, Carlen refused to even look at her in the face, except to excuse himself from the room. She persisted to try to find out what was wrong, and to even try to tend to his illness, but he would distance himself every single time, breaking Nana's heart each time he tried to isolate himself.

    With no other choice, Nana had to find out from warrior Lance that Carlen had been really sick while she was gone. He gave her little to no information about what happened leading up to his illness, or what may have triggered it, except to explain his symptoms to her. She knew that there was something important that the warrior was keeping from her. She knew, from all her years of experience working in the castle, that his deception meant that Carlen might have been involved in something serious. Perhaps something happened in the barracks with the other warriors, or he had made some great error when he was serving Lance at the dinner table with the other Royals. There were so many possibilities. This was exactly why she did not approve for Carlen to go into the inner castle to serve the warrior. She had no idea what could have truly happened while she was gone, and she knew it would be dangerous to be curious about it. If she had taught Carlen anything, it was that expressing curiosity in the castle could kill him.

    Although it bothered her to no end that she was so clueless about the entire situation, all Nana could really do was to make Carlen feel better now that she was back. The three major issues that Lance had repeatedly emphasized on were that Carlen had been throwing up, missing his meals, and having night terrors. Judging by his symptoms, this was the illest Carlen had ever been. She wanted to have a better look at his body to perhaps get a diagnosis for what he was afflicted with, but Carlen would not let her near him. So she could only treat his symptoms with some gentle medication and burn incense to help him sleep through the night. Even then, it seemed like it did little to help.

    With each passing day, Nana felt even more helpless. She had even resorted to raising her voice at him to demand that he listen to her and let her diagnose him, or to just talk about why he was feeling this way, but he would only stare blankly at the ground or his hands until she was done talking, then he would walk away. He constantly kept to himself in complete silence and Nana found that she could only observe Carlen from a distance as he worked around the healing room now. If she tried going any closer, she could see him physically flinch and move away. It scared Nana to no end, seeing someone that looked so much like her beloved son, but was a completely different person than she remembered leaving behind.

    He was just like an empty shell of a person. He never smiled, let alone laugh. He seldom spoke, only making noises in his sleep when he would experience a bout of night terrors. Nana could hear the noises he made through his locked door; a habit he never had previously. He would eat only when he was instructed to, so Nana had to make sure to check that she reminds him to, or he would work all day without stopping. He would complete his chores without complaint, and with surprisingly good focus. On any other day, Nana would have joked that this was what she wanted from him for the longest time, so compliant, so well-behaved; the perfect son. But she knew better. This was not Carlen being a good son. This was him being in a really bad place in his mind. She needed to do something for him, but she did not know what she could do. She couldn't even offer him some motherly comfort, since he completely avoided any contact with her. After a day's work, when Nana tells him that he was free to go and have his dinner and rest up, Carlen would put his tools away, grab whatever food that Nana had prepared for him, and disappear into his quarters and not appear until the next morning.