next door » joshler [book #1]

forty four » im sws trash haha kill me

so let's think about it. we know it's a fucked up relationship. hell, even tyler and josh know it. thing is, they don't want to- break up- because, well, it would certainly mean a worse ending than the one most likely in store now. plus, right now, they can try for a cute little fairy tale ending. get married and have a cute little band. quaint little house. little, little, little. fairy tale.

okay- who are we kidding? that's not happening.

tyler falls asleep in the bath. if his lips were blue before, they're certainly that color now, chapped and a faded color. his cheeks have a matching tone, and his eyelids are pale. his breaths come in short, sputtering gasps as cold water rolls down his bare chest.

the first thing josh thinks about is the water bill.

second thing-

"fuck," he sighs, kneels down, suddenly struck by a memory of this kid named ryan telling him a story about himself that started with the line "i, ryan, was kneeling in the bathtub-"

josh pushes the thought away and turns the water off. tyler is unconscious and shaking, making tiny whimpers. josh feels tears spring to his eyes- tears at how pathetic tyler looks. the kid could die like this. just like that.

he searches for a towel and pulls tyler out of the bath, wrapping him in the fluffy material. tyler doesn't stir, his head lolling back with another whimper. josh purses his lips and stands up, staggering to the bedroom with tyler over his shoulder.

come to think of it, he should probably call an ambulance. of course, the thought is immediately laughed out. that's ridiculous. 'yeah, uh, my boyfriend fell asleep in the bath and now he's like- knocked out- haha, no big deal though-'

sometimes, to be honest, josh's thoughts scare him.

he dresses tyler, feeling embarrassment and pity for the boy before tucking him in and cuddling up beside him.

his skin is cold.

that's not a good thing, is it?

he feels for tyler's pulse and breathes out in relief as he feels it- weak and fluttering below josh's fingertips, but it's there.

he kisses tyler's cold, cold lips and lets the tears roll down his own cheeks.

how did things end up this way?

for a second, the thought crosses his mind- i might've been better off with mitch.

that's stupid. you're stupid, josh. always have been, always will be.

he curls against tyler and sobs into his too-cold skin. everything's wrong. everything's so, so wrong.

and tyler still doesn't wake up.

-

his skin is warmer in the morning. it looks like he might wake up. josh wakes up feeling shitty- dirty and angry, upset, lonely. not a good combination of things. he wants to get drunk. he wants to get high. he wants to do something stupid like climb to the roof of the apartment with like- a really expensive bottle of champagne- no, whiskey, a really fine bottle of it- drink it all, and then jump off.

actually, that doesn't sound so bad...

he doesn't think he could afford expensive whiskey, though. a sigh escapes his lips.

"tyler," he whispers, the word so unfamiliar on his tongue. the tears fall again. "baby, fuck, how did we end up this way?"

and tyler, goddammit, doesn't answer.

desperate, josh grabs a chunk of tyler's shirt and lets out a choked up gasp. "wake up," he manages in a strangled tone. "wake up, goddammit, why won't you wake up?!"

he slams his fist against tyler's chest and sobs, repeating the words 'wake up' over and over again.

there will be bruises on tyler's chest when josh is finally done, but he doesn't seem to notice.

his mind has gone- well, clouded. tyler's not waking up. tyler's not fucking waking up.

he struggles for his phone. dials a number he's had memorized for three years.

chokes out, between sobs, "m-mitch, b-baby, i need you."