Last Turn Home

Chapter 25 - Looking Ahead

CHAPTER 25

JOHN

I was in Carly's bedroom pacing holes in the hardwood floors. She was still in the bathroom, taking her sweet time. After the large coke she drank on our way home and the two glasses of water, you'd think it'd be quick and easy to pee on a stick. I paced the length of the room again and stopped in front of her dresser, staring at my reflection in her vanity mirror.

I really looked like shit.

I ran my fingers through my hair and down my neck, trying to wrap my head around all of this. If the tests came out positive, then in less than nine months I was going to be a father: late night feedings, crying, a whole shit ton of diapers... not to mention all of the other expenses. I didn't have that much cash lying around.

Fuck, I didn't know how to change a goddamn diaper.

Absently I started to fiddle around with the things on Carly's dresser. I opened her jewellery box and peered inside. There were earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets, a couple headbands and a few stray hair elastics: the usual stuff I suppose you'd find in a woman's jewellery box. My fingers wrapped around something metallic, cool against my fingers. I took out the dog tags and smiled.

"Shit," I whispered. I couldn't believe she'd kept them.

I put back the dog tags and closed the jewellery box, feeling a little guilty for snooping. I returned to her bed, sat down for a moment and then stood right back up, stepping out of the room and crossing the hall.

"Did you do it?" I asked, knocking twice on the bathroom door.

She didn't reply.

"Babe, you okay?" I called out, knocking again. I hesitated for a moment, my hand on the doorknob. "Can I come in?" I asked her tentatively.

"Yeah," she said faintly.

She was sitting on the bathroom counter with her hands in her lap and her eyes fixed straight in front of her. The two digital pregnancy tests were balancing on the edge of the bathtub. There was an hourglass symbol on both the little screens.

"Just a minute now," Carly whispered.

I leaned against the counter next to her and took her hand in mine, staring at our intertwined fingers. I started thinking about those diapers again, the feedings, all of those sleepless nights...

"How many kids do you want?" I asked.

"What?" Carly giggled nervously.

"Kids... how many of them do you imagine yourself havin'?" I repeated.

"Oh, well uh... I don't know... I always knew I wanted at least two, so that they'd always have someone to play with," she answered timidly.

"Boy or girl?" I asked.

"I'll be cliché and say girl... just because havin' to deal with two of you...? I'll lose my mind," she answered, a smile slowly forming on her lips.

I smiled too: suddenly it wasn't just diapers and bottles and late nights anymore. A little human being was materializing, all wrapped in pink with her mama's eyes. I imagined her growing up with the horses, learning how to ride before she could even walk. Then I imagined a boy, running around, climbing anything and everything he could get his hands on, teaching him how to toss a football around...

Yeah, I thought, the smile on my face widening slightly. Carly was right, if it did turn out to be a boy and he was anything like me... we were done for.