Coffee & Criminals

39. Moth To A Flame

I thought he was joking.

In fact, I moved back and waited for the moment to come. I waited for Wolfe to start laughing. I waited for him to smirk and say 'got you!' with the amusement of an easily amused child. I waited for him to do anything, anything except pierce me carefully with hard obsidian blue eyes that held nothing but the complete truth.

Truth.

He was telling the truth.

I kept my face passive, but it felt like my very insides were crumbling like a broken building, the chunks of rock and plaster equal to the happiness I had only moments before dropping away. My stomach felt like the very organ itself had plunged into an ice water bath. For the first few seconds, I was too stunned to react. The realization of his words triggered the prickling sensation of tears behind my eyes, but I forced myself to stay expressionless. I had to force myself hard, because the mere thought of Wolfe leaving was gravely upsetting.

His hands were on my shoulder, big and comforting. His left thumb gently brushed across the skin between my collarbones. I shifted ever so slightly, and Wolfe got the message. His hands fell to his sides, where they stayed clenched in tight fists that would leave half crescent moon indents on his palms. His skin felt like electricity, buzzing along and eliciting feelings that shouldn't be. I couldn't bear to touch him in that second, because the slow crumbling of my heart would only speed up.

I shouldn't be upset at the news. I shouldn't be. How many times had I told Wolfe I wanted him gone? That I wanted him to leave? Now he was giving me exactly what I wanted. It's what I wanted, wasn't it? To get my normal life back without the daunting presence of New York's most wanted boys? The kings of Brooklyn, with their crown title and their billion dollar bank accounts. The Crowns had damn near destroyed my parent's business, dropped me into a pile of trouble, and turned my best friend against me. I should be celebrating at the news. But those are all the things I should  have been doing.

He came back to say goodbye.

If Wolfe hadn't lured me here, to say his last goodbye face-to-face, and instead had just never returned to New York after the helicopter incident, I would've been a lot happier off because the hope would have still been there. In the helicopter, before I jumped, Wolfe didn't say goodbye. He said many things except  goodbye. I could have gone the rest of my life with the tingling hope that maybe I'd see him again. If not, that was okay too. But the solid fact that he was leaving and the fact that he had come back to tell me he was leaving killed me more than it should have. Again with the should have's. Truth was, I should have done a lot of things, but I shouldn't have fallen for a criminal.

I swallowed nosily. I think it gave away how I was feeling, because Wolfe reached out to pull me to him once again. I barely managed to escape his grasp, his fingers curling around empty air. When they did, I noticed the bite marks on his palm his fingernails had left behind, in the perfect shape of half crescent moons.

"Why?" I asked. I had to force the word off my tongue. The effort it took to sound nonchalant was truly astounding.

"We can't stay here anymore." He sounded normal too, the same underlying edge of effort replicating mine. "They know what I look like now, it's only going to be a few days before they bust down the door if we stay in New York. That can't happen. We need to go. Up north, towards Canada again." His voice was just as icy as the place he was talking about. "Lay low for a few years, let things calm down in Brooklyn. I got what I wanted, anyways. Now it's time to go. You got your wish, Florence. If you're still living in Brooklyn in the next five years, we might cross paths again."

Years. He was going away for years.

"I want to stay, Florence. I really do. I want to be with you. Fuck, there's nothing I want more in this stupid world than to spend the rest of my life with you. But the life I live, love is one luxury that I can't afford. If I stay, I'll be caught soon enough. I would rather leave for a few years and keep the chance of one day meeting you all over again than spend the rest of my life behind bars without ever seeing you again. I'm a bad person. It's because I'm a bad person that I can't be with you. Not only that, your life is in danger every second you're with me. If I stay, you're going to get hurt again. I won't let anything hurt you, Florence. I won't even entertain the thought of staying because the only way I can protect you is if I leave." Wolfe finished with a bitter growl.