The Secret Life of Poot Lovato

Tears of Flop

Demi was in her room, surfing the net. Suddenly, she got an e-mail from Billboard. She opened it and she couldn't believe what it said. "Pentatonix debuts at #1 on the Billboard 200 with 98k copies sold; Demi Lovato debuts at #2 with a few hundreds of copies less." Demi screamed harder than she did in any Stone Cold live performance, and her entire neighborhood was evacuated.

On the other side of the world, Poot was sleeping in her lodge in the Siberian mountains, when suddenly she felt a callous hand on her shoulder. She instantly recognized who it was: Justin Bieber.

He said: "Hey Pootie, I'm sorry for running away from you at the restaurant. Forgive me please?"

Poot carried him outside in bridal style, and threw him in a gorge. "It's time for you to die for good in this damn story," she screamed at him, her voice echoing on the side of Mount Belukha.

Poot went to the nearest airport and flew to Los Angeles to visit her twin sister, who would've definitely cheered her up. It was time for Poot to move on from Jessie J and Justin Bieber, and find someone who loved her and supported her illegal trafficking of hallucinogens and laxatives.

But when she arrived at Demi's house, she noticed that there was no one around. A strange black cloud was pouring rain on her sister's residence, releasing lightning from time to time. Poot got in without knocking and Demi reached her, crying on her shoulder.

"What happened, sis?" she asked.

"A #11 single and a #2 album. That's what happened," Demi answered. "I can't believe I'm flopping after all the desperate tweets asking my fans to buy and stream my album. Someone jinxed me and the bad luck won't go away."

Poot felt terribly guilty. Her Russian friend Yekaterina had suggested to make Demi collaborate with Iggy Azalea, who is notoriously cursed. She had already ended Britney Spears' career earlier that year... Demi was her latest victim. But there was nothing Poot could do, so she shook it off. "Don't worry, Demi," she said. "Just release a new single, promote it heavily, and your album will sell steadily. Hint: do not release Condom Cum. Re-release your album without it actually, that would be a great idea, trust me."

"Thank you, Poot," Demi replied. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here because no one wants me," Poot answered. "Jessie J turned straight after spending a night with me, and I killed Justin Bieber for the third time. I guess you're not the only one who needs to cry."

"No," Demi said firmly. "We won't cry anymore. I'll go outside and promote my shit. And you'll go out and find someone. And maybe take revenge on Jessie J, that screeching bitch just can't fuck my sissy and then go around saying she's a heterosexual icon. It's time to stand up and snatch some weaves, Poot. I am no longer the insecure Demi. I'm the CONFIDENT one."

"Wow, that was inspirational," Poot said, with tears of joy and admiration in her eyes.

The twins left Demi's mansion and headed in two different directions. Demi intended to kidnap Adele and force her to sing a verse on one of her songs to get that easy number one hit, while Poot decided to visit an old friend...