Crave You -N.H-

Chapter Fifteen: Alone together. [EDITED]

Chapter Fifteen: Alone Together

 

        I sit in the car next to Brad, he is driving me back to London. After the argument Niall took off and I don’t blame him one bit. I’m actually surprised that he had stuck around for so long.

        There is this awful feeling rolling around inside and it is so painful and lonely. I am more attached to him than expected and now I was paying the price for falling hard. What I had expected though?

        Over the year I had pushed everyone away from me, any guy who flirted at school or off the field. In all this time I’ve never let anyone in for selfish reasons of not wanting to get hurt. I never thought I would ever hurt anyone in return.

        “So what did it?” Bradley asks with a tone all too familiar in his voice. “What did you do to make him leave?”

        He was angry with me, and it was fair enough. The stupidity of the situation was beyond anything I had done before. He drives with his hand gripped tight against the wheel, I know that out of anyone he’s the only one who I can actually freely talk to about this.

 

        “He knows I’m sick,” I say frustrated. I look away from his judging look and out the window the the hilly countryside.

        “So you pushed him away,” he says quietly “more than once, just like the rest of us.”

        I ignore his very true comment and stare out the window some more. I pay with the buttons on my shirt and listen to the song on the radio sing about being in love. I want to throw myself out of this car.

        “It won’t be fun if you don’t have anyone left Sarah,” he says.

        “Who says I’m having fun?”  I snap back and I realize that I sounded like a brat but his comment was slightly uncalled for even now.

        He sighs and looks at me “All I’m saying is even I’ve been waiting for it. I don’t blame him for leaving, this is hard. I wait for it every time I see you, prepare myself for how awful and sick you look.”

        I swallow the tears rising on my face, swallow all the fear choking me alive.

        “The color fades from your face more and more, it’s alot harder to stand by a watch you fade away from us then you think.”

        He too was choking on words just trying to explain his own feelings beside me. He looks at me and I see how upset he is and how sad he is to even have to have this conversation.

        “Sarah all our conversations consist of me telling you how sick you are and you telling me how fine you are. I love you Sarah, you know I do and you know how much I love you. I made a promise to your dad that I would always take care of you but fuck some days you make it damn hard.”

        I hate that this conversation had turned into a lecture, one I didn’t want to hear. I understand his point but it doesn’t change my mind on anything.

        “He left you Sarah, he left you and Jean and it was selfish, he could have gone through more treatment.” he reminds me and my heart stings, it’s awful and I want him to stop but he doesn’t.

        “He could have lived, he should of. He should have gotten to see you play football, make the juniors but he was selfish.”

        I bit my lip as he finally finishes talking. I know what I was doing to myself, and maybe I was being just like my dad. Selfish. I was so determined to play football and leave the small town but I didn’t care who I left. Who I had forgotten to love and how I had forgotten to live.