Things Better Left Unsaid (Snape love story)

Chapter Thirty: Stay With Me

Chapter Thirty

Nothing seemed to move for a moment. After a second, I involuntarily took a sharp breath, still stating at him like a deer caught in headlights. I didn't know what to do. After all these years, all that I seemed to want was coming true, like the dream I dreamt or week after I graduated. Maybe he would send me a letter. Maybe he would show up at my door. Maybe I would run into him on the street.

But there was never any pecking at the window, or knocking at my door. I stopped going out every day to walk along the shops of Diagonal Ally, and spent more time pining away as I worked, daydreaming. Slowly, I stopped turning myself inside out over him and the thoughts I obsessed over, and became bitter over him and everything he was. I got with Fred. I was happy.

I wanted to scream. I could have had it all, been happy with Fred. Now here I am, stuck in this ultimatum with no happy ending for at least one person, fully aware of the consequence for whatever decision I make.

I thought about how I would be were I to throw myself into the arms of the man before me, who held my bleeding heart so easily and unknowingly, and felt a sudden welling of tears. It was beautiful to think of. It was what I always wanted, what made me depressed and angry and happy, the bittersweet thoughts I dangled over myself when anything I ever thought of led to Hogwarts, or him.

I swallowed hard, bringing my voice back. I looked at him. "Severus," I began, voice hitching in my through unsurely. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to love both of them, but I knew that either way I chose, someone would be selfishly hurt, left behind. Loving two people at the same time was the hardest decision I've ever faced. He watched me, though not with any sort d pleading look, nor with a pressure-filled glare. He simple watched me, a knowing look in his eyes, looking more alone than I ever remember. He used to tabs so tall to me, and now it was as if we were at eye level.

Shaking, I took a step towards him, swallowing again, hands falling to my sides. I felt so defeated, so selfishly happy, and so sad. Another step. I was sealing my fate, just a few small feet away from him. Another step, feeling sorry for myself. Another, hating myself. Another step, loving him, and another hating him. One last step closing the distance between us, and his hands were on my shoulders. I numbly looked up at his eyes, so full of sad love, of sympathy and underlying loathing, that of which I could relate to my own feelings. I knew he knew what I had given up within those few small steps, and with profound appreciation and apology, he brought me into his arms and held me to his chest.

I buried my face Ito the folds of his black robe, breathing in that long list scent of him, closing my eyes as a blissful rush of nostalgia washed over me. Suddenly, I felt like I had forgotten the whole world. I felt four years younger, still a simple schoolgirl, the world lying unbeknownst at my feet, mischievously delighted with myself. I wrapped my arms around his torso and sniffled a small sigh.

His hand smoothed over my hair, fingers lacing into it slowly, a calm and natural feeling sweeping over me, relaxing me. A small smile moved into my quivering lips, and I sniffled again, holding back tears. He took a deep breath, chest rising and falling along my cheek. "I'm sorry." He said suddenly.

I nodded. "I know." I replied. I was sorry too, but not for him, or even for myself. I was sorry for Fred, a man I knew I still, and would always love, but that I was letting go of.

I pulled back from him, and gave him a weary smile, eyes still bleary from the rejected cry. "You're not going to fake me out again, right?" I played, though it was still laced with sadness and newfound joy, as well as a small fear that I refused to admit to.

He looked so sad for a moment, but a crooked smile followed in its wake, and he gently tucked my hair behind my ear. "Of course not." He replied easily. It was such an endearing moment, so tenderly simple, like I used to imagine it would be. He cupped his hands under my chin, slowly brought my lips to his. I kissed him like I didn't think I would when I used to imagine it. I kissed him like it only made sense to; sweet and careful and loving. I didn't have any powerful rush, I didn't kiss him with intensity. I just kissed him, and it was that simple.