Chapter 21

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It had been a week since Jungkook's funeral, and I was still a little out of it, to say the least.

Everything he owned remained untouched. His toothbrush still balanced on top of the rim of his cup, his shoes remained on the shoe rack, and his dirty clothes remained in the dirty pile. His side of the bed still slightly smelled like him, and for the past seven nights, I had slept with my nose buried in his pillow, as if I could trick myself into thinking that he was still here. It kind of worked. I had vivid dreams of Jungkook every night, and they were all of our best memories, but I always woke up to tears streaming down my face.

I didn't cry when he died, but the shock had long since worn off. Every day was another day without Jungkook, and every morning, my heart broke again seeing his side of the bed empty. It was almost routine to start off the day with a quiet whimper and a choked sob. At work, I had to hold it all in, but as soon as lunch break came, I spent the entire time on the bathroom floor, missing the most important part of my life without end.

It was a completely different dimension of hell, and this time, I didn't even have someone to guide me through. The situation had shanghaied me to a darker place, but I was alone. Completely and utterly alone in the dark.

I hadn't visited his grave since the funeral, since I didn't think that I could take it, but I'd decided to go. Today. It was my weekend off of work, and so I bundled myself up in a black hoodie, jeans, and sneakers before heading to the cemetery.

The sky was dull and gray--an opaque dome that resembled and turned-over porcelain bowl. People were going about their daily businesses, and it reminded me that the world kept turning. My world was gone, but the physical world didn't give a damn. I could've dropped dead on the spot, but the most that would happen would be the inconvenience of a few people.

But I won't forget Jungkook, I insisted, straightening my back as I sat on the seat of the bus. He's not completely gone.

When I arrived at the cemetery, I yanked up the collar of my hoodie up over my face, as the cold nipped at my nose. Jungkook's grave was in the far back, where it was newer, and I passed multiple mourning families and friends. Jungkook's headstone stood alone in the back, with the only family and friend mourning being me. I was all he had on Earth, and I felt bad for not visiting him sooner. Every grave deserved to be visited.

My hands gripped the crisp stems of the flowers I was holding. The tips of my fingers had gone white with cold, but I continued clenching them. Like my heart, my fingers had gone numb, but I had to live with it.

"Hi, Jungkook..." I mumbled as I stopped in front of his headstone. I chuckled without humor. "Never thought that I'd be talking to a rock. You'd think that it's stupid too, right? Yeah, you would..."

He wasn't even completely gone, but it sure felt like it. The Underworld existed, and he was there, somewhere. Jungkook continued to exist, but it wasn't here, and I couldn't go to him, since I didn't belong there. I had no way of getting in.

Death had done us apart.

I set the flowers down, and they fell to the grass with a soft noise. My arms felt so empty, and I just wanted to hug someone. It wasn't the pain of death that hurt the most--it was that Jungkook was out there somewhere but I couldn't see him. I couldn't hold him, and I couldn't experience his presence. It was like a chasm had opened up in the space that he should've occupied.

"You know, we've been waiting for you for a freaking week, Scarlet."

I screamed internally and jumped, whirling around in surprise. Standing behind me was none other than Rap Monster, flanked by Suga and V. They were in their leather jackets and all, Rap Monster sporting his sunglasses even though it was cloudy. Their marble pale skin stood out against the dark green of the grove of trees behind them, and I could only stare.

"Did it seriously take you that long to visit?" My mouth had moved before I could comprehend it, and it said exactly what I had been feeling. "Where the hell have you been this entire time?"

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