blurry face - phan

chapter five

phil

There's something wrong with Phil.

And that something is Dan Howell. Phil usually couldn't care less about anyone. For some reason, Phil felt nothing but anger and disgust towards others, no matter who they were - even his own parents. Phil apparently suffers from bipolar, but he doesn't think that, all he ever feels is angry.

But Dan, yes, he pissed Phil off but there was something else about him which made Phil feel almost drawn towards him. He doesn't know how to explain it, he just feels a sort of tug when he looks into Dan's eyes.

Dan looks at Phil like he is a miracle, like he is more than the school's tough guy, and Phil can't seem to figure out why. Dan Howell was so weird, he never seemed to look anyone except Phil in the eyes, and he seemed to spend his time looking away from everyone's faces - again, except for Phil.

He doesn't understand why this one guy suddenly makes Phil feel like more. It was as if the mere presence of that guy was slowly restoring Phil's lost emotions.

"Hey Phil," Chris, Phil's one and only real friend, greets him as he walks into school.

"Hey Chris," Phil replies vacantly, falling into step beside him and they flop down together at a shaded table, Chris getting out a sandwich to eat - he was always hungry.

Phil's gaze slowly scans around the school yard, a couple of kids cringing when they make eye contact with Phil's own icy gaze. He stops when he finds Dan, sitting with his friends who were the popular kids. A couple were from his own grade, but majority of them were from the grade below - Dan's own grade.

Dan is smiling, laughing at something along with everyone else. Phil can't remember the last time he laughed, or felt happy. He didn't have mood swings because he simply didn't have varying moods. He just felt angry and down all the time. Even his parents had given up on him - they avoided and feared him, despite their denial.

"Staring at the new kid are we?" Chris teases, his mouth full of sandwich, and one piece flies onto Phil's nose.

"No," Phil snaps, wiping the mushed up food off his nose and flicking it onto the ground, wiping his hand on his jeans, "and don't talk with your mouth full, it's disgusting."

"It's what I do man," Chris says, swallowing his food before laughing lightly, "you love getting my food on your face. It's good for your skin!"

"Haha," Phil says sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Chris has been Phil's best and only real friend since their first day at school together. Chris is the only one who puts up with Phil's constant mood and who's consistently there for him. He's the only one who Phil genuinely cares about in return, even if he does accidentally spit food on Phil all the time.

A few minutes later, the bell rings just as Chris is shoving the last of his sandwich in his mouth. He grins, once again having perfect timing with his food - bell schedule.

"Well, I have legal studies first, so I'll see you next period in math," Chris says, nudging Phil as he stands up, "don't have too much fun without me."

Phil rolls his eyes and watches as Chris walks off, disappearing into the crowd of students trying to get to class on time. Phil takes his own time standing up, swinging his bag onto his back.

He waits until majority of the kids have disappeared off to class and now the only people left are the reluctant ones, like Phil, or the ones running late. Phil sighs, finally deciding to head to English class. Dan has long disappeared so he's probably taken the priority seat up the back.