Forgive Me (complete)

14

I waited outside Adonai's personal office nervously. Michael insisted on waiting with me which only added to my anxiety. Yes, I slept with him but it did nothing to ease our tension. If anything, it added to our complex and unorthodox relationship. I think he wanted to wait with me because he didn't want it to seem like he was only after my body. I wasn't stupid or naive; I didn't expect any sort of commitment from him after sleeping with him. I knew he wanted nothing to do with me beyond this encounter even if he cared for me. He wouldn't be tied to my harmful reputation. I couldn't blame him; if I had the choice to erase my reputation I would but only if it meant Michael would accept me.

He absently reached over to squeeze my hand but as soon as contact was made, I pulled away. It would be that much harder to accept his rejection with his constant contact.

"What is wrong with you," he asked clearly annoyed.

"Nothing."

"Okay, Katrina," he said as if he didn't believe me.

The giant silver doors opened and a man I could only assume was Adonai looked at me warmly. He looked at me the way I remembered my father looked at me; a tight knot gripped my chest at the memory of my father. I quickly shoved the thought as far away as possible and stood to greet Adonai.

"Thank you for seeing me, Sir," I said respectfully.

"No need for such formalities, Katrina," he said with a hearty chuckle. He motioned me into the office.

I stepped inside the airy office with a slight chill. I still wasn't accustomed to the cold air but I suppose I would have to get used to it. Unfortunate, really. I was never one for the cold but I suppose Heaven wasn't cold to those that were used to it. I came from Hell so I was used to heat which is what I liked.

"Michael, will you be joining us?" Adonai asked. I wanted to protest but I wouldn't dare speak against Adonai.

"I would but I have other business to attend to," he politely rejected. Even though they were close, Michael was still incredibly respectful.

I didn't bother watching Michael as he left to go where he deemed more important. I wanted to avoid any further harm to my mental health in regards to him though I knew it was inevitable.

Adonai closed the door and motioned to a white couch, "Please, have a seat, Katrina."

I did as I was instructed though I struggled to keep my nerves in check. He was the most powerful entity in existence. He created everything and was the ultimate being. How could I not be intimidated especially knowing I had not lived my life to His standards? I had premarital sex, participated in underage drinking, and overall less than perfect behavior. How could He possibly be okay with me? Would He be as against me as Michael?

"Katrina, you have no reason to fear me," He said warmly.

"I don't," I quickly denied.

"I know why you are here," He started, "You would like for me to grant Ivan access to Heaven."

I nodded, "I unjustly punished him for far too long."

"Oh, I wouldn't say unjustly. I think it was well deserved."

I looked up, shocked, "You do?"

"While I may teach forgiveness and understanding, I also teach responsibility."

I nodded in understanding.

"Tell me, how are things with Michael?" He asked curiously. Like he didn't already know.

I shrugged, "He hates me."

"He is afraid of you," He corrected, "Michael follows every word I give and anything that deviates from that is difficult for him to accept."

"More like impossible for him to accept. He has made it abundantly clear he will never accept me," I said in an attempt to stay strong.

"May I make a suggestion?"

"Of course."

"Stop trying to be what he will accept and just be yourself. There is a reason I gave you the power to charter souls and there is a reason you are his mate. I do not do things for kicks," He said with a laugh.