Bad Boys Don't Smile / phan

chapter eleven

dan

"Psst, Dan, are you awake?"

"I am now," Dan replies sleepily, rolling over and blinking his eyes open to come face to face with Phil.

At first, he's surprised but then he remembers that Phil is sleeping the night, and he decides that he likes the warmth of having a body beside him, not in a weird way.

Phil remains silent, just staring at Dan, his blue eyes so bright that they're almost glowing in the dark, resembling stars in front of Dan.

"What do you want?" Dan asks sleepily while rubbing his eyes, his voice husky and rough with sleep, "what time is it?"

"Like, eleven, but that's beside the point," Phil whispers quietly, "we're having a sleep over, this is supposed to be when the juicy gossip comes out."

"What are we? Twelve? Go back to sleep Phil," Dan groans, screwing his face up while yawning before be sighs deeply, drifting back to sleep.

"No! Da-an," Phil complains, shaking him gently, "please, I want to get to know you better."

"Phil..." Dan grumbles, "go away."

"Please Dan," Phil begs, sitting up and flicking the bedside table lamp on, filling the room with a warm glow.

"Fine, ten minutes," Dan sighs, sitting up beside Phil on the bed, "now what do you want?"

"Well, what's something about you that I don't know?" Phil asks.

"That I'd like to go to sleep right now," Dan says flatly.

"I already knew that!" Phil complains, huffing, "I'll start then. I still get scared I'm going to get attacked again, I can't walk outside after dark now. Your turn."

"Well, uh," Dan stumbles, looking down at his hands, "I'm scared of letting my brother down."

"I... I had a sister," Phil says quietly, looking down, tears gathering in his eyes, making Dan's eyes widen and heart ache.

"Oh my god, Phil..." Dan stammers, reaching a hand onto Phil's knee, lost for words.

"It's okay," Phil says quietly, "it was a long time ago. Uh, your turn?"

"I... I've never known what having parents feels like."

"I felt so guilty that my sister died. I wasn't there for her."

"My father cheated on my mother for three years before he died."

"I haven't walked into my sister's room since she died, because I know she won't be in there."

"I'm clinically depressed."

"I still write to my sister."

"If it weren't for Shawn being here, I'd be dead."

"Don't say that Dan..." Phil says, frowning at him.

"It's the truth," Dan says quietly, looking down, "sometimes, I even feel as if I'm already gone, already dead to the world."

"You're never alone Dan, know that. I-I'm here for you, Shawn, he needs you," Phil says, looking over at Dan, "maybe you've just isolated yourself for too long."

"I'd rather be alone than have fake friends," Dan says simply.

"My friends aren't fake," Phil says confidently.

"Yeah well not everyone has that comfort," Dan says, "not everyone grows up with a stable life, with friends, with people who love you."

"Well, you have me now," Phil says, reaching over and placing an arm around Dan's shoulder, "and... I can't promise you anything, but you can try to make your life better."