Outcast ✧ Phan

Prologue

tel·e·ki·ne·sis
noun
the supposed ability to move objects at a distance by mental power or other nonphysical means.

Realizing something big for the first time after a long while of thinking different is just like turning the lights off after a few hours of light.

Your mind has to adjust to the concept, like your eyes do to the dark. Eventually, the small details that were previously so merged and distant will begin to slot in and the full image becomes less fuzzed and more clear.

At first, its a little weird and confusing, the feeling of being stripped bare of your adjustment and comfort, but it gets easier, and no matter how uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the new version you are, over time, you'll end up wondering how you even thought differently before.

This is how things were for Dan Howell.

For the first few years of his life, he believed he was normal. Nobody had ever told him otherwise, including parents, so how was he to know how far he actually stood from "normal"?

His first three years of school was when it really all came crashing down, his entire world of light shaded to a deep black colour before he could even blink.

The change started small, with his mother telling him the night before his first day of school he wasn't to move anything at all without using his hands or body when he was in school.

"Why?" He had asked, innocent curiosity pooling in his chocolate brown eyes. "That sounds hard!" Of course, this wasn't a first. He'd always been told to keep to himself and not move anything when they left the house, but when they did it was usually for a short time. School was longer, and Dan didn't know if he could handle it.

His mother had sat on the side of his bed, Dan nuzzling into her shoulder to listen, her arm holding him steady.

"I know it sounds hard." She had said, smiling down at him warmly. "But you can do it. You're strong, little bear." She slowly slid her arm away, letting Dan sink into his blankets.

"But why?" He asked while she tucked him in, hugging his teddy bear closely. "Is it against the rules?"

His mother smiled, brushing away one of his curls before kissing his forehead. "No, but its still very important not to. Promise, okay?" She held out her pinky, to which Dan responded by hooking his own around, nodding.

"I promise." He said, still very confused but too tired to pry on. Instead, he let their hands unlatch and watched his mother leave the room, clicking off the light and closing the door.

That night, he stared at his pooh bear night light, silently asking it questions about his school, its golden glow always unwavering in reply, the yellow character on its side smiling straight at Dan, almost as if to reassure him it would be okay. He eventually fell asleep, nervousness and excitement bubbling in his stomach.

-

The night flew by, Dan's dreamland seeming to vanish as soon as it appeared, all his imaginary friends and television show characters he played with in there abandoning him to face the day alone, as always. Only, this time it was worse, because this morning he had school.

Its not like Dan had any real opinion on school, since he's never actually been, but he's seen a lot of schools in his cartoon shows, and it looked fun enough. Still, a place he wasn't supposed to move anything without having to actually get up and touch it was a place he didn't want to be. Plus, what if the other kids don't like him? What if he can't make any friends, and will be alone forever? What if he messed up and forgot about what his mother said--what if she found out? He could feel tears starting to burn his eyes, worse scenarios attacking him.

By the time his mum had walked in to get him up and ready, he was sobbing. She, of course, rushed to his aid, cuddling him close. After Dan had cried for a good eight minutes, he was starting to calm down. His mother finally asked him what was wrong.

"What i-if the other kids d-don't like me?" He sniffed, clinging to his mother. She assured him everything would be alright, running her fingers through his hair.

"We need to get you ready, alright? I promise they'll all love you to pieces." She smiled, and Dan couldn't help but smiling back and nodding, even though he was still terrified.

But he managed. He got dressed, combed his hair, brushed his teeth, and made it to the school building in his mum's old car, all without shedding a single tear.

"Could you walk me to my room?" Dan asked quietly, pulling on a loose string to his pooh bear backpack and staring down.

"Of course." She said, helping him out the car and across the parking lot. Dan prayed something would happen so he wouldn't have to go in and meet the other kids, faced with their judgment. He's never talked to anybody near his age before, so the fear of saying something wrong had his stomach twisting into knots.

But nothing happened, and before he knew it, they were standing in front of the closed classroom door, its wooden frame decorated in multi coloured monkey stickers. Seemed friendly enough. Maybe it wouldn't be all that bad.

His little spark of hope was stepped into the dirt and spat on when his mum let go of his hand. Dan looked up pleadingly, but she shook her head.

"Sorry bear. I can't come inside with you, I love you." She said, leaning down and kissing his head, then stopping at his ear and whispering, "Remember what I said."

He smiled weakly as she stood up again, opening the door for him and gesturing to enter. She smiled, nodding. He didn't want to, he really really didn't want to, but he did anyway. He stepped inside, away from his mother, who had closed the door as soon as he was in the room.

The sound of it shutting had grasped the entire class's attention, each pair of eyes turning to stare at him, stiff, in the front, all eyes unmoving for a good ten seconds. Then the teacher, who had previously been behind her desk and glued to a book before noticing the sudden silence, smiled cheerfully at Dan.

"Hello, there, what's your name?" She asked softly, taking her glasses off and setting them down. She stood and walked over to him, her red curls bouncing around.

"D-Dan." He whispered shyly, the immense attention of so many kids almost overwhelming. The teacher, tall, had to get on her needs to face him properly.

"Where's your parents, Dan?" She eyed him, putting her hand on his shoulder in what he assumed was a gesture to calm, but honestly, it just made it weird.

"My m-mum told me she c-couldn't come inside with m-me, so she walked me t-to the door and left a-after I got inside." He explained, his eyes staring at her red heels.

The lady nodded for a minute, as if thinking about what he said, before chirping up again. "My name is miss Shirley, welcome to the class!" She stood suddenly, looking back at the group of kids sitting at various tables, around four or five at each table, in exception to a girl sitting alone in the back, who didn't seem to even be paying attention, just colouring. The kids watched the teacher look back, and directed their attentions back to themselves.

Seemingly satisfied, miss Shirley turned to him again. "Why don't you go find a seat, Dan? You can put your bookbag on the hooks back there." She smiled, and he nodded.

Dan shuffled to the back, nervous when a few kids glanced at him, and put his bag away, before sitting down at the table with the girl who was colouring alone.

Miss Shirley had went back to her own business, as had the other kids, chattering wildly among themselves. He watched the kid colour, a little awestruck.

"That looks really good." He whispered, and she looked up, smiling a toothy smile.

"Thanks!" She said, reaching for another crayon as Dan eyed the drawing.

"You like pooh bear?" He asked softly, and she nodded, blue eyes wide and bright at his familiarly of the little yellow character she had scribbled out.

He smiled, shuffling his feet a little under the table. "I'm Dan." He spoke up again quietly.

"I'm Louise!" She held out her hand, which he, very hesitantly, shook. "Wanna be best friends?" Louise asked, and Dan nodded, surprised to have made a friend so quickly. She smiled again, wide and bright, and this time, Dan smiled just as widely.