The Girl who Writes and the Boy who Likes her (Now Published So Sample Only)

Chapter 3

© 2013 Sandra Corton

2 years later 
Journal entry 1 Book 2

I can't find my old journal and I feel like I'm losing control. There was at least two years’ worth of my life written in there. It's been missing since Zach and his family came over for dinner the other night. It's hard for me to keep the panic at bay. What if Zach took it? Why would he take it to begin with?

I don't know what to do. It's my fault for leaving it out, I guess. Why didn't I hide it under my bed like normal?

There was so much written in there. All my anger, guilt and hatred for myself were in that book. All the nights I'd cried for the loss I had suffered. All the fears over being at school and having no friends.

I'd written about Zach in there. I'd written about the way his friends treated me in there. But the worst thing was I had written that it was my fault that Dad had died.

If Zach read that he would see the monster I was. I couldn't stand it if he stopped being nice to me. He was often the only small light I had in a tunnel that seemed never ending.

Chapter 3

Zach felt the guilt take over him as he tucked her journal into the side pocket of his jacket. He had gone up to her room to look for her only to find that the room was empty.

The tattered journal taunted him as it sat there on her bed. He remembered the first time he had visited here when she was scribbling in it. That journal had been with her every day since the first day he met her and now it was his.

He knew that the only place she didn't take it was school. She often carried it when their families were out together. She would write fiercely sometimes as emotions swamped her face.

He had wanted to know what she was thinking rather desperately for such a long time. In fact he had wanted to hear her thoughts from the first night he met her, he admitted to himself.

It seemed like such a low blow to take the journal. He justified it by telling himself that his desperation to know her better after two years of silence was immense.

His Mum hadn't told him anything about the Dawson family. She had kept a tight lip to protect her friend. Zach personally thought it was stupid. Who was he going to tell? It wasn't like he would spread their family secrets all over the town. In fact he probably wouldn't even tell his friends.

He got home with the journal and left it sitting for the longest time on his desk. He wondered whether he wanted to invade Emily's privacy so desperately to be low enough to read it.

Eventually he could stand it no longer and reached for the book. He flipped through the pages to find everyone filled with scribbles. With a deep sigh he got up the courage to read the first page.

Sympathy for her filled him, she had lost her father. He couldn't imagine a life without his Dad or his Mum for that matter. No wonder she was so withdrawn and sad all the time. The one thing he found hard to swallow was that she blamed herself. How could it have ever been her fault?

The next entry had his eyes going wide. She thought his friend Alyssa liked him? He let out a bit of a shudder at even the thought of that. It did at least explain why Alyssa was constantly trying to get his attention, especially if he was talking to Emily.

None of his friends quite understood why he spent time with Emily. They just thought she was weird. The guys thought he hung out with her because she was hot, he knew that much. Baz and Jeremy were often caught staring at her and making lewd comments until Zach had told them to knock it off.

They didn't understand his need to get to know her, which was what he desired so badly. He wanted to know everything about her, all the good and the bad.

He still wanted to see her smile which hadn't occurred in the whole time he had known her. She might let him hold her hand when she was terrified in the back of the car, but that was it. In two years that was the only physical contact he ever had with her. He craved more, too much more.

He sat up that whole night and read page after page of who Emily saw herself as. He wanted to tear out every page for how wrong she was.

An idea formed in the back of his mind for exactly how to help her and he knew he had too. Nobody else seemed to get what she needed but after reading her journal, he completely understood.

She needed closure. Even though he didn't know the details of what had occurred with her father, he had a feeling she didn't get to say goodbye properly. He knew one thing, after he did what he had planned he would have to admit he stole her journal and that scared him. He would wait though, until the last possible moment to return it though because he was unsure of how she would react.

He left for school the next day feeling agitated. He would also have to talk to his friends about how they had been treating Emily. He wasn't sure who had been acting mean to her but he wanted to find out. He wasn't looking forward to it all.

He was also finding it hard to believe that they had been acting so badly towards her. He had known all his friends since they were younger and had never seen them be mean or cruel to anyone.

He got home that day having not said a damn word to any of them. He felt like a heel that he had held back He was so aggravated at himself but he knew why he had kept it quiet. It shamed him but he decided that it would be better than any other way.

It was three weeks since he had first taken her journal. Three weeks where he hadn't told his friends off for their mistreatment of her. Three weeks where thoughts of everything in her journal swirled in his head.

Tonight he was heading to Emily's for the rest of the week. This was the week he would man up. He would make his friends see her in the same way that he saw her. He was determined he would make Emily see him in a new light too.

He let out a sigh as he heard his parents scrambling for last minute packing. He had her journal in his hand, of two minds about everything that may happen this week. He tucked the book away again. He had to get her to trust him before he returned that.

He had never stayed at Emily's place so early in the year before. His parents normally went away in the autumn or winter during school but now he was spending a week of his summer holidays here.

June had already told him he could invite his friends over but he wasn't sure if he was comfortable with that at all. Then again it could give him a chance to get his friends to understand Emily a bit more.

He got to Emily's house to find her nowhere to be found. He let out a sigh as disappointment filled him. He went up to his room and started unzipping his suitcase. He quickly got bored with unpacking and walked over to stare out the window.

He felt his mouth pop open as he realised she was in the pool that his room overlooked. He had never seen her in anything but her dark, drab clothes, so this shocked him.

A one piece grey swimsuit hugged her body with curves that almost had him salivating. She looked stunning. She must have sensed someone watching her as she pulled herself up onto the pool edge because she looked up.

He quickly stepped away from the window before she caught his blatant stare. He went back to unpacking trying to calm his body down from that one sight. His shook his head at his own stupidity. Even after all this he knew he still had a huge crush on her, it wasn't something he could control.

He hated that he never defended her against his friends but they were never mean to her in front of him. That was the reason he hadn't known until he read her journal. It was one of the reasons he didn't want to approach them until Emily knew about the journal. In reality, he knew he was just being a coward about everything.