Dear Bailey

Part 4

Lucas

We managed to find a table in the small sitting area inside the airport. The cold rain outside had caused the windows to fog up, creating an atmosphere of wistfulness as we sat down with our coffees. I plugged my phone back in and hung my coat over the back of the chair. My insides felt bubbly. It's the only way to describe this expanding joy growing and growing around my heart.

"It's going to be hard to tell our grandchildren about this," she said before tipping the hot drink to her lips. My brows pulled together.

"How so?"

"I'm not going to have any children. No children equals no grandchildren."

"Thanks for doing the math on that for me," I teased. She bit her lip and I imagined she was waiting for me to make some comment about not having children. We were young and it's not often you hear someone our age already so certain they wanted to remain childless. I was beginning to get the big picture that her dad leaving had really left her wounded. I hoped she just wanted freedom and it was not that she didn't trust herself to stay.

"We'll have to tell the story to someone." I wasn't going to let her off that easy. I felt something with her. I never considered the idea of fate before, but somehow that word just seemed to fit. We had a connection like I'd never experienced and I wanted to make sure we didn't part ways before we could explore it a little more. If we left right then I would always wonder about her. I needed to know more. "We could tell it to our travel agent."

Her eyes lit up a bit. She smiled around the rim of her cup before taking another sip. I hadn't thought about a life without kids, but I could go there if it meant going there with her. That thought made my heart skid to a stop. I didn't even know her. I tried to recover from my internal shock. "Or maybe the University? The church you will be preaching at?" She giggled as she set her cup down. "Am I even close?" I asked.

"Our travel agent will be fine. There isn't some grand reason I'm saving all of my alone time. It's not about sacrifice or that I'll be too busy." Her lips fell into a flat line and I wanted so badly to make her smile again. "I just don't want to fuck up and do to my kids what my dad to me. Maybe it's genetic, or even a learned behavior. I don't really understand it, so I'm not willing to take my chances."

"I don't understand it either," I said quickly. I wanted to stop her train of thought from derailing into self-loathing. "I've only known you less than an hour and I'm already dreading that boarding announcement. I can't imagine having you in some way and choosing to let you go."

Her back stiffened a little and I could see her eyes get a little glassy with tears. She blinked quickly and used her coffee to buy herself some time. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. I wanted to meet this man that walked away from the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, because I know that it would confirm just how crazy he must've been.

"Maybe it's been about time all along." Her face seemed to harden like she'd put on some sort of mask. I felt lost. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Time?"

She nodded her head just once. "Maybe after a while he lost interest in me. I don't really keep a lot of friends very long. I have friendship ADD or something." She laughed softly, but I could tell she was hurting. I fucking hated how sad she was. "If you knew me long enough, then maybe it would happen to you too."

Opportunity, I hear you knocking. "We should test it."

"Test it?" she set her cup down and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. I wondered what it felt like. I already knew from standing near her in line that her hair smelled like strawberries and cocoanut and now I really wanted to touch it. I wanted to touch all of her. Her perfect skin and the way it seemed so delicate. Of course, I'm a guy and I wanted to touch her in places I shouldn't have been thinking about either, but I was. I wondered how she would feel in my arms and if she kissed as sassy as she talked sometimes.

"Yes," I set my cup down too. I was going to make this happen because not ever knowing how it felt to kiss her was unacceptable. It might not happen here at this point in our lives, but I knew then that I wanted it badly enough I could wait. I'd wait for her to get to know me, and I'd wait for my life to settle down enough that I wouldn't fuck up hers. I just needed to get her number or email or fuck—I'd send this girl smoke signals if it kept her from walking out of my life. "We're going to keep in touch. We're going to write to each other until you feel like I really know you."

"Like pen pals," she laughed and my heart soared. I fell in love a little with the way she scrunched up her nose. Then she slid the glasses up a little and it sealed our fate. She was going to be mine because I couldn't stand for her not to be.

"Let's not get crazy," I laughed, "there'll be no pens. My printing is shitty and I don't even know where to buy stamps anymore. We'll email because it's the twenty first century."

"Why wouldn't we just text?" she held up her phone and waved it back and forth a little. "I mean if it's the twenty first century and all."

I shook my head. "I can't get to know you in text. It'll just be a bunch of hi's and k's and other emoticon bullshit. We're going to do this for real. We're going to get to know each other, not have some abbreviated communication that fades off when we're busy."

"What will it prove?" she sighed, crossing her arms.

"It will prove that you're worth someone's time. It will prove that I'm willing to put in the effort." My smiled tipped a bit crooked as I thought about telling the truth, "It will prove that you're going to fall in love with me." She moved to interrupt me, but I softly pressed my finger to her lips. Just touching them made my head swim with euphoria. God, I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad. "I'll show you that one person's crazy decision doesn't define your worth as a person." I moved my finger away as she blinked back the moisture in her eyes. I grabbed my coffee and brought it to my lips but didn't take a sip. "You can't say no to a Marine, Bailey. It would be unpatriotic."

I took a sip of my coffee as she laughed out loud and I knew I'd just started a relationship with a girl that would be the love of my life.