Team Fortress 2 - The Mercs Get REAL Jobs

Spy - Fast Food Drive-Thru Worker

“Can I get a large fries with a medium soda, please?”

“I will have your order out right away,” Spy droned in a monotone voice, turning to the back and shouting “Employé! I have an order! Make haste, boy.”

He puffed lightly on his cigarette, not caring in the slightest that he was surrounded by food, then turned to the window to collect the money from the customer.

Once he was finished, he turned back to the microphone.

“Welcome to Burping Bart’s Bouncing Burgers. How may I help you?”

“I’ll take one burger and a large soda.”

“Right away, monsieur,” Spy said flatly. “That will be $3.50.” He turned and barked out the order for the food, then took the money when the customer pulled up to the booth.

Working at a fast food restaurant, Spy had decided, was the dumbest job in the history of the world. Especially since he was working the drive-thru. This job made all of the other men at Mann Co look like geniuses. But he needed the money, and they were paying him for his work (not to mention what he pilfered from the register), so he couldn’t complain.

Couldn’t complain, but couldn’t bother giving good service to the people, either.

Once this current customer had gone through, Spy turned back to the mic.

“Bonjour. How may I help you stuff greasy vein-cloggers into your fat face to further your quest for obesity?”

“What?” said the stunned voice on the other end. “Um…can I get three burgers, a large fries, and a large milkshake?”

“My point exactly,” Spy said, smirking behind his mask. “That will be an amount of money I cannot be bothered to tally up. Pull up to the window.”

“What?”

“Pull up to the fenêtre, monsieur,” Spy growled, and was pleased when the man complied.

He received the money, got the food, and tossed it out the window without caring. He was losing patience by the second with this job.

When the next car pulled up, it would prove to be the final straw.

“Welcome to a cheap burger place where you receive crap while we take your money,” he said, blowing a thick cloud of smoke into the mic. “How may I be of assistance?”

“I’ll take a large milkshake. Biggest cup you have. And make sure it’s thick.”

“Right away, sir,” Spy droned monotonously. “I will make it my new life’s ambition.” He gave the order, then watched the car pull up to the window. He took the money (slipping half into his pocket when nobody was looking), then got the milkshake and gave it to them.

“Good riddance,” he said over his shoulder, turning.

But as it turned out, the two teens in the car weren’t finished with him.

“Fire in the hole!”

Spy turned just in time to see the milkshake sailing through the air at his face.

Splat.

“Go, go man, go!” the teen in the shotgun spot yelled, and the driver put the petal to the metal and peeled out at top speed, both laughing at the top of their lungs.

“You got milkshake on my suit!” Spy shouted after them, rage contorting his features. He glared down at the ice cream dripping from his suit, then something in him just snapped.

He grabbed his Invis-Watch and clicked the button on the side, disappearing in a puff of smoke. He followed the teens until they stopped in an alleyway to laugh about their prank.

Spotting a long stick laying nearby, Spy grabbed it, then jumped onto the hood of the car and took his invisibility off.

“Surprise, imbéciles,” he said with a grin, then attacked.

When the police found them later, they were tied to their car seats by industrial-strength chain. Unfortunately for Spy, they were obviously able to give a description of their attacker, and there was only one masked man working at a burger stand in the vicinity.

They couldn’t find him, however. According to the manager, Spy had returned to the restaurant and announced his leave of them. He had exited then, disappearing with the help of his trusty watch, and the manager had then found out that all the money in the cash registers was gone.

Spy felt he had done a very good job at work, especially when he patted his overflowing pockets. It was high time to head back to Mann Co and see how everyone else had done.