Find Me Peter Pan - OUAT

Chapter 34

"...Then what's the issue?"

Peter sighed deeply....in disappointment? It was obvious that Peter was in some sort of a distressed position. It was like Peter was worried of how I would react to what he would say. I haven't seen Peter like this in a while. He's usually so straightforward and upfront. This has to be something serious.

"Peter...you can tell me." I told him sincerely. Peter then looked at me with an 'are you sure' look. I nodded my head to show that I was ready for what he was about to say. And let me tell you, I definitely was not ready enough for his response. 

"The ingredient I need is your father's heart."

"W-what?" I was nearly lost for words.  The missing and final ingredient that Peter needs...is my father's heart.  Meaning Alexander's heart.  Meaning my best friend's heart.  Out of all the ingredients the cure needed, it needed my father's damn heart.  But why his heart?.....And does that mean Peter knows about Alexander being my father?

I mean, why else would Peter say he could get the heart in a flash?

"I need your father's heart, Amanda.  Alexander's heart." Peter claimed sternly, but his soft voice still indicated his sympathy.

So Peter does know.  Guess that answers my question. 

"How do you know?  Have you always known?" I asked probably too fast.  His response roused my curiosity.  Because to be completely honest, Peter was in fact overprotective and a little clingy when were together.  He wouldn't dare let me spend time with any lost boy, unless it was because of doing our duties or if I needed assistance. 

Peter didn't even let me hang out with Alexander, except for when we had to get our jobs done of course.  So did Peter know at the time that he was my father?  And if Peter did know, why would he keep me from spending time with my own father? 

"I've always known, Amanda.  You see, when my shadow brings new boys to my island, the shadow always informs me about them.  When my shadow brought in Alexander, the shadow told me how he had a daughter.  Her name was Amanda." Peter fully explained to me.

"And when we were together, you still kept me away from him?  I know you didn't like me talking to your lost boys, but seriously?  He was my father and you knew that!  Why?" I questioned him in all seriousness.

Peter bit his bottom lip, appearing nervous by all the questions I was throwing at him.  I know I should feel the tiniest bad for my constant questions right now, but I don't.  Peter should've known better.  He didn't think what would be best for me at the time, which was letting me spend more time with my father that I haven't seen in nearly fifteen years!

I guess that was one thing I didn't miss about our relationship...

"Look, I was afraid!" Peter cried out.

I sensed a confused expression crossed on my face.  "Afraid?"

"Yes!  Afraid!  Can you believe it?" Peter paused and chuckled faintly at the thought, but not out of amusement.  "Me....Afraid.  It doesn't sound right now does it?"

Peter was right about that.  It doesn't sound right.  You would rarely see Peter scared.  Being afraid is sort of an abnormal thing to him.  I know that Peter has dealt with many thrilling and spine-chilling adventures in his life, so what would Peter be afraid of?  It just doesn't make sense.

"Afraid of what exactly?"

Peter opened then shut his mouth, stumbling over his words.  I could tell he was genuinely trying to answer my question the best way possible.  Peter gulped and waited for what seemed like hours before responding with,

"I was afraid of not being as close to you.  Afraid that I would lose you to him."

Now I was the one stumbling over my words.  If Peter had fears, I would expect that he would be afraid of some monstrous, man-eating creature.  But no...Peter was afraid of losing me.  Could it be that Peter was afraid that I would love someone else?  Someone other than him?

But what did Peter expect?  Alexander is my father of course...and I love him.  Just in a different way.

"Peter." I paused, stepping closer to him.  "You will never lose me.  No matter how hard I will try getting away from you or no matter how angry I am because of you, you will never lose me.  I will always be here."

Peter seemed stunned by my words.  I haven't really said anything this nice to him in a while.  It almost sounded unbelievable, but I meant every single word of it.  He will never lose me, and I will never lose him.  Because now that I think about it, Peter and I really do need each other. 

We can't avoid it.

"But I will lose you if we don't get Alexander's heart.  We need it if you're going to stay." Peter said, disappointment hinted in his voice.

I sighed just thinking about it.  I can't simply take Alexander's heart.  He means too much to me.  I would never forgive myself if I took it to save myself and let him die.  "There's no other ingredient?"

"Well, the last ingredient is the heart of one of your parents." Peter informed.

That's when a brilliant solution popped into my head.  My mother's heart.  It can be used!  It wouldn't do any damage...since she's dead already.  I'm still heart broken on the fact that she's dead, but we can use her to let someone else live.  That way Alexander will be okay and continue to live his life happily.

Once I opened my mouth to speak, Peter interrupted me.

"Now I know what you're thinking.  We can't use your mother's heart."

And to think that I had found a solution to this problem. "Wait, why?"

"When your mother died, she was incinerated.  That means her heart was incinerated as well.  It's no use, Amanda."

"...So then it just leaves my father." I said scarcely, understanding that Alexander was the only solution.  He's my only way of living...but his life is important to me too.

"I'm afraid so." Peter nodded.

I stared at the ground, thinking deeply about what to do at this point.  Any decision I can make isn't exactly pretty.  The outcome for both of my choices is death.  Someone will have to die.  It's either me or Alexander.

If I die, then both Peter and Alexander would be devastated.  What will happen to me when I die?  Who knows.  How painful will it be?  Who knows.

If Alexander dies, then I will be horribly devastated.  He is the only guardian that I have ever had.  I don't count my adoptive mother.  But the point is, if Alexander dies, then I will probably die in the inside.

In both choices, I end up dying in different ways.

So now, I think I have made my final decision.

"Let Alexander live."