Cadaverous Love

Chapter Fourty-Three

Hey, just a heads up that this chapter contains suicidal content. If you are uncomfortable or easily triggered by that please either make sure you are reading somewhere you know you'll be safe or don't read this chapter at all.

Lots of love,

Emily

"Darry," I say, sitting down on the couch next to Dallas, "can I stay with you guys? I can get a job at the diner until I have enough money to move out and if you need me to I can stay with Dallas somewhere else for a while."

"Emily," he sighs, "of course you can stay here. I'd rather you not stay somewhere else with Dallas," he glances over at Dal who fumbles with his jacket zipper, "just try and focus on your education right now, alright?"

I nod, "thank you so much," I breathe out, "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head and walks away, "you have nothing to be sorry for." His voice fades into the eerie silence that the house is draped in and I wonder why it is so quiet.

Turning to Dallas, I say, "Dally, I know it's a bit late but I was thinking tonight," he looks up at me, "I give you your birthday present."

"What'd you get me?" He asks, completely oblivious.

"Well, Dally," I say, unsure of how to continue, "I didn't really get you anything."

"Ohh," he says, raising his eyebrows. He smirks, "really?"

"Really," I laugh a little.

--

Monday Morning

I close the locker door, feeling exhausted, "I don't want to be here," I say, tucking two books under my arm while looking up at Dallas.

"We could just leave," he says, pulling off his brown leather jacket.

I shake my head, "we've already missed so much of school."

"So? What harm is one more day gunna do ya?" He asks, passing his jacket off to me. I sigh and mess with the lock on the locker again.

I shove his jacket in and say, "A lot of harm. I already have a lot of make up work that needs to be done, so do you."

He chuckles, "I ain't doin' shit."

I sigh again, closing the metal door. Listening to it click shut, I tell Dally, "okay, Dal. I'll do it for you, alright?"

He shakes his head, "why?"

"You'll fail half of your classes already if it isn't done."

"I don't understand why you care."

"Because I care about you."

He lets out a long breath, letting the silence grow between us.

"Emily," his voice softens slightly around the edges as the bell rings, "do you still want to die?" I look at the ground, avoiding the question. "Emily, answer me," his voice goes into a tense whisper, "do you still want to die?"

I feel tears form in my eyes. Yes, Dally, I want to die. "I'm going to go to class now," I push a tear off my cheek.

"Yeah, alright," Dal's voice is harsh, "you do that."

I shudder and turn to leave, images of me looping a belt around itself flash before me. Suddenly, I'm wondering about the different ways I could end my life, my feet still moving beneath me.

There's medicine in the cabinets, I could just - my knees rattle together as I enter the health room. I blink tears from my eyes and the pain in my chest becomes unbearable. I just want it to be over. I sit down at a desk in the back of the room, continuing to wipe away tears. I breathe out slowly. I can't leave Dallas. I swallow a sob. Or Darry, Ponyboy, Two-Bit, Morgan, Sodapop, Steve or Johnny. What would they do if they found me dead? My hands shake and I can feel eyes on me. I want the pain to be gone.