Hard Light (NaNoWriMo15)

Chapter 21 - Trust

The door proved impossible to open alone.

No matter how Leah looked at it, it required two Radiants to Light separate crystals at the same time. There was no timer like there had been for the last one, which meant she had to, rather reluctantly, leave it for now.

That said, she had her work cut out for her trying to perform or at least figure out the ritual.

It didn't have a description of the end result aside from she would have pulled 'Life from Light'. She had a feeling it was going to look like the glowing orb of Light that showed up in several of the murals. What it was for was another matter all together. The symbols didn't bother explaining that part.

The wording itself was weirdly poetic. It flowed beautifully, but it was cryptic and almost impossible to follow. It spoke of reaching into her heart to bring forth the Life inside the Light nestled in the crystal. After taking it metaphorically for several minutes and getting nowhere, she decided to take it literally and soon found that, especially in the Spire's presence, she could almost sense two different energies in her heart.

The majority was unmistakably Light. The other was something she'd grown accustomed to over her years but had never actually realised was there. It was strange and silky and slipped through her fingers unless she clung to it with her thoughts. It hummed with power, a power that made her Light ripple and swirl.

The ritual wanted her to pull it out of her heart, to coalesce it and give it a shell of Light of its own, but Leah couldn't bring herself to do it. She felt the elastic string pull taut as she tugged at the energy, and every time she thought she'd steeled herself to rip it free, a wave of fear would corrode her nerve and the energy would sink back into her Light.

That didn't stop her from trying. Over and over and over again she tugged and pulled and slipped, frustration building with every failed attempt as her pride took one battering after another.

First being placed on the expedition team. Then Kieran's dismissal of her--but she'd proved him wrong. Her inability to decipher the symbols beforehand, her reliance on Shade, Illiya saving her life and daylight save her, why was she so helpless? Why couldn't she defend herself? Why had she needed help at any point before this? Was she that incapable?

No. She wasn't. She had her research--that was what she could offer. No one else seemed capable of researching the way she did. Hadn't her drawings and attention to details been complimented over and over in a place that prided itself on its academics and learning?

Another failed attempt saw Leah crystalise several thumb-sized shards of Light and fling them at the walls. She made a vow as she watched them shatter and dance across the floor. She was going to learn to be the one who other people relied on. She was going to be more than her research. She wasn't going to be that helpless kid in the corner any longer.

She prepared for another attempt at the ritual before a yawn cut it off.

It was then that how long she'd actually been down here sank in, and, reluctant, she forced herself to pack up her things and head back up to the surface. Tomorrow, she told herself. Maybe the missing piece to the ritual was inside that room. If she could get it open, then maybe, just maybe, she'd find the answers she was looking for.

First, she just had to find someone she could trust.

*+*+*+*

With the next morning off again, Leah spent her time trying to find Kieran and apologise.

She failed.

After nearly an hour, becoming increasingly sure he was avoiding her, Leah went to the training room alone and, painfully, started going through Kieran's usual muscle-murdering routine that started with five laps around the room. She critiqued herself, hearing his voice in her ears correcting the same mistakes over and over, even going so far as to perform the push-ups when she caught herself making the same one twice.