― twenty-eight: i know

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[ CHAPTER 28 : I KNOW :come as you are, as you were, as i want you to be. as a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy. take your time, hurry up. the choice is yours, don't be late. take a rest as a friend, as an old memoria. come doused in mud, soaked in bleach. as i want you to be, as a trend, as a friend, as a known enemy, yeah.]


          PARKER HANGS OVER THE toilet in the girl's bathroom, the one across from her chemistry class. She hasn't stopped puking since the quad, and Cameron just managed to drag her vomiting body to the bathroom before she puked all over the halls of the school. After about the tenth minute of hearing the girl retching, the blonde left, completely and utterly disgusted. Parker can't blame her: even she's disgusted with herself. She tries breathing deeply, and closing her eyes but each time only results in her body making her feel like she has to throw-up again.

          Why is this happening to her?

          Is it because of stress? Because of Rose dying? Because of her mom? Her dad? Nico? Tori? The game itself? No, don't think about it, she shakes her head, everything will be fine. At some point all of the bad stuff will disappear, and she'll recover from this. Even...even Rose's death. Someday the bad memories will go away, and only the good memories will stay the same. Someday she'll move past it all. Someday. Maybe not today...but someday.

          "Rose will still be dead." She whispers.

          The girl chokes on her cries, her hand reaching up to grip at her mouth, covering it up to stop her cries from leaving her mouth. Tears blur her vision as they trail down her cheeks. She'll be dead, and it's my fault. Another sob breaks out of her throat, and she crumbles beside the toilet, her legs moving close to her chest as her fingers clench at her head, and her hair. Uncaring that her fingers are probably tainted with vomit. Her whole body aches and she just wants to sleep. Why am I crying now? For a whole day she didn't cry; her grandmother was hit by a car because of her and she didn't cry; but now it seems like the tears won't stop.

          Her body is betraying her.

          Mom will hate me if she finds out, the girl steadily stands, tears still falling down her cheeks, her body still weak. Dad already hates me. She walks out of the toilet stall and stands in front of the mirror. Rose is dead because of me. She grabs for a piece of gum out of her back pocket and throws it into her mouth. Mom probably hates me too. She wipes her smudged makeup off her skin with a frown. Everyone will hate me in the end.

          She begins chewing the gum as she exits the bathroom.

          You know who else hates you too?

          The girl glances around, who?

          You, you hate yourself, Parker clenches her eyes shut, her hands twisting into fists as she stops chewing for a split second. Why do you hate yourself? Her head shakes, and she grits her teeth. Why does everyone hate you? With her clenched fist, she swings her fist around, it collides with something. Or more like, something collides with it. The girl opens her eyes, finding Nico standing there holding her wrist in his hand. 

          His gaze moves from looking at her now unclenched fist, to stare at her face. Still emotionless but his features twitch like he wants to show something but he's holding himself back. Parker swallows another cry, "It's my fault," She trembles, still sniffling. "They put Rose on life support last night, and it's my fault."

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