Empire // h.s. au

Binge Bickering

Author's Note: YAY I'M ALIVE AND WRITING! Sorry, I was in a show this past fall (I was one of the leads so I was very busy with it and didn't have time to write, sleep, and do homework)-- but your girl is done and ready to write with the best of them! Can we please just discuss Made in the A.M. for just a second. IT'S SO FLUBBING GOOD OH MAN. I literally had no chill when it came out, I'm still not over it... ANYWAYS-- comment your fave song so we can fangirl together. (mine changes daily, but today I'd have to say it's "Wolves" idk, it's such a fun song???) Okay, peace and blessings xx. Al. P.S. this author's note is real long, so if you read it all, I love you. 

Samantha Anderson

I hadn't had sex in a month. Not by choice, though. Luke seemed to have a new found abstinence lock and I was not handling it well. Going from having sex almost daily with Harry, to not having it at all, was completely and utterly disappointing. 

My body wanted it. But Luke seemed to not care.

It's not like I hadn't tried. I've been feeding Luke aphrodisiac foods all month, plus I'd been strutting around in my sexiest lingerie every night. No sex. 

It was physically paining me to be without it. And it definitely didn't help being around Harry at work. His presence was enough to get me hot and bothered. Luke wasn't fulfilling my sexual needs and Harry wasn't even available.

So I think you can see my predicament. 

Sitting in my living room, home alone, was hopelessly painful and all I could think about was Harry and Luke. 

My curiosity also laid as to where my sister was. She didn't even have that much to do, so what could she possible be up to? Did she finally get a job? Probably not. Was she acting as a sugar baby? Much more possible. 

She was the type to find the older, rich man she could and give him sex in return for money. Something she lacked in when she couldn't get jobs. Which wasn't that shocking. Before Riley came here, I enjoyed being around her. In small doses.

But having her live with me was becoming a hassle and completely infuriating. Life was slowly unraveling and she was an obvious part of that. 

All I wanted was for my life to be back to normal. A year ago I was happy. Luke and I were content in our little apartment, my family life was hectic and enjoyable, and my biggest stress was finding a job. Now, my life revolved around a man who would never love me and the inevitable decision I'd have to make between Luke and Harry, even if feelings weren't reciprocated.

I couldn't spend my life lusting after Harry and settling for Luke. Or even the other way around. 

Sure, my thoughts primarily revolved around Harry. But, what if once I had him, things aren't as great as I thought they'd be? It pained my to imagine that I couldn't have the best of both worlds.

I wanted the comfort of Luke. And the spark I had with Harry. It was intense and animal-like.

But was animal-like what I wanted in a man?

I didn't know. 

I needed to distract myself. Get away from these hopeless and burdening thoughts. I reached for my remote and flipped on the TV. Netflix warmed up and soon enough I was going through my lists. I finally decided on "Jane the Virgin." It had become an addiction of mine. 

As the show played, I found myself become absorbed into the show. My attention no longer on men and messy things. 

Jane and Rafael had my full attention. 

~

My heart pounded as they were about to kiss on the TV.

Kiss. Kiss damnit. RAFAEL FOR GOD'S SAKE JUST KISS HER YOU KNOW YOU LOVE HER!

I'd watched four episodes and my eyes couldn't leave the screen. I heard the front door open and I turned to see Luke holding a few bags of groceries.

"Hey," he said, setting them down on the counter.

"Hi," I called back, my eyes glued.

"What are you watching? That Virgin show? It's so weird, Sammy. They say "accidentally artificially inseminated" like fourteen times every episode, how can you watch it?"

"Shut up," I said to him, taking a bite of the popcorn I had made myself between episode 2 and 3. It was impressive how quickly I had made it. 

"Jesus," he groaned, going back to his groceries. He really needed to learn to appreciate my wonderful TV obsessions. It's been how many years?

As the episode came to a close, I was overwhelmed by the cliffhanger. "To Be Continued" played across the screen and I sighed in discontent. One more episode wouldn't hurt...right?

"Can you please come help me? I'm cooking dinner tonight and I just want to talk to you," he said, his voice sounding hopeful.

I lugged myself to the kitchen and groaned as I sat down.

"Fine," I muttered, crossing my arms and leaning my chin onto the counter top. 

"How was your day?"

"Lazy, yours?"

"Eh, you know, work is work," he responded, shrugging. "I'm making chicken pesto for dinner tonight."

I grimaced, I'd always hated pesto and he knew that.

"Really?" I said, trying to not looking disdainful. He clearly recognized my sour face though and he gave me a confused face.

"What do you mean? You love pesto, I made it for you just last week..." 

"That was my sister," I corrected him, raising my eyebrows. He'd been cooking for my sister last week? Are you kidding me? "You were cooking for her?"

"Uh, yeah, you were working so I made dinner," he said to me, looking down at the raw chicken he was cutting.

"Whatever," I said, standing up and walking away. I wasn't in the mood to bicker and fight, so I dragged myself to my room to lay in bed for a little bit.

Luke had a different idea, "You're not pissed, are you?" 

"No, not at all," I said, laying on top of the bed and shutting my eyes. "Why would you think that?"

"You 'whatever'd me," he said. "You only do that when you're pissed."

"Hm, then what does that tell you?"

He didn't respond and just sighed. He left the room, obviously done as well.

This is what our relationship had been the last few weeks and months. Awkward and bicker-y. I never wanted to get in a full blown fight as it just didn't seem worth it anymore. But we still found ways to get mad at each other. Whether for random stuff like dinners or over someone not cleaning up. 

We were annoyed with each other. Something we'd never been before.

I couldn't tell if it was an example of us being together for so long, or if it was a sign of our doom.

Either way, I didn't like it. 

Author's Note: I know, shitty chapter. Just wanted to get something out there. Love you all lots and lots. xx.