The Story of Joob Bieber (ORIGINAL Joob/Justin Bieber Fanfiction)

(Holiday Special) A Very Joobiful Christmas

[Q: if Joob ran for president, would you vote for him?]
So this is a short story Joob wrote (well, I did) for some holiday laughs. I'm working on like 3 chapters at a time so wait a few days for a lot of surprises ;) Also comment your answer to the Q & A before reading! <3

The fire was crackling into small, bright  flames. The heat traveled to the molecules of my hands as I began to shiver from the blizzard outside.

Most people would stay inside all day, enjoying the delicious hot cocoa and watching cheesy Christmas movies, but I was doing the complete opposite;

Christmas Shopping.

And it wasn't just your typical method, I was literally stabbing people to get presents from them.

Before you call me crazy, I am.

Anyway, here's how it all began:

The mall Santa was the last person I wanted to see today. I was super angry at Justin after he told me that mall Santas are never the real thing.

I despised those fake white teeth, and they way he walked was nothing more magical than Justin's chick magnet.

The way he laughed. It sickened me. "Ho, ho, ho"? How about "No, No, No"!
He was telling people that they were hoes. He's just a random person off the street! He can't do that!

I walked slowly to Santa in the angriest expression possible.

He made me sit on his lap. Disgusting.

"So, little boy. What would you like for Christmas?" He asked me.

"I'm not fucking little. I'm 16 years old!"

He looked at "Mrs. Clause" (yeah right) with an intriguing look. What the heck is he doing?

"I want a gun for Christmas so I can shoot your brains out."

"Santa" (yeah right) got up and pushed me out of the "Santa House" (yeah right).

I looked around and saw a lady standing with a tray of cookies.

"Thanks" I said and took one.

Wait a minute....THESE ARE OATMEAL RAISIN!

"Saggy Boob Actor Pattie? Is that you?!"

"It's me, Joob. Long time no see."

I was so mad today. First "Santa" kicks me out and now I meet Saggy Boob Actor Pattie for the second time.

She pushed me and walked into "Santa's House".

This was the final straw.

I ran inside Target and decided to rush my presents this year. It didn't matter what I got people as long as I put thought into it.

I decided to get something for Justin first.

Men's section? Boring. Toy section? Those don't look like kid's toys. Toddler Section? Perfect.

There were pacifiers, blankets, stuffed animals...and baby food?...why not.

I got the flavors Carrot Mush and Grandma's Slimy Green Beans.

Selena was next.

Let's see...what the name of Saggy Boob Actor Patties's nipples do girls like?

I looked at some perfume.

"Nicki's Pretty Nipples." Hey I just talked about nipples. "Frenchy Parfumfum." Sounds fancy....and the last one of all: "Super Sexy Scented." Obviously I chose the sexy one. I'll just say it was from Justin.

Then I realized...I have no one else to buy gifts for.

So, I decided to buy gifts for myself.

I got some chocolate, a dildo-I mean Bilbo Baggins figurine, and a chicken towel. Because who doesn't love chickens.

I drove home and unlocked the front door to see very excited faces.

"I got your gifts!" I told Justin and Selena. 

"Yay!" They said in unison.

I let Selena open hers first.

She loved it, yippee!

She then thanked me.

But I let Justin open his next and he then punched me.

(Merry Christmas from your favorite Jooby. :))