Find Me Peter Pan - OUAT

Chapter 35

~Peter Pan's POV~

"Let Alexander live."

It was as if the world had drained me for everything I had at that moment.

To think I knew what real pain felt like, but it wasn't until I heard Amanda's words. Alexander is one of my most valuable lost boys, but if he lives, Amanda will leave. Leave me. Amanda has been the only person to actually make me feel something. Something oh so precious. Something irreplaceable.

She knew who I was. A monster. A monster who made all the wrong choices. My evil doing gave me pleasure. I hurt people. The only reason was for my own enjoyment. It was my unbreakable addiction. Seeing others suffer, uplifted my spirits. Too much was wrong with me, but Amanda was able to see past the darkest side of me.

She was the angel and I was nothing more than the devil. How could a heart like hers love a heart like mine? I will never know.

Amanda made me, the first lost boy, end up feeling something extraordinary.

Could it possibly be love?

See, this is why love honestly terrifies me. This is why I keep refusing myself from 'falling in love'. The rapid beating of my heart could only mean the worst. Because the possibility of falling in love would ensure the way that happiness would always leave me drained. And now, at this moment, this is exactly what I was feeling. Pain was consuming my body by the second as I was staring into Amanda's eyes.

So, is this what heartbreak feels like?

I took a subtle, deep breath. "Is this what you really want Amanda?" I asked, trying not to choke on my intolerable emotions.

She only nodded. "When you love someone, it's worth fighting for no matter what the odds. And I love Alexander....he's my father. I can't let him die because of me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Just when I was about to respond, a sudden memory unexpectedly hit me. Hit me harder than I thought it should. A memory so unbearable that it stopped me from speaking, only to leave me with a gaping mouth. The memory was of my sister. Tinkerbell. I remember when she died, emptiness was all I felt. Tinkerbell was my sister, my responsibility, and my only family.

But then she was killed. I wasn't even there to protect her. I could've protected her, but I didn't. I wasn't the best brother she claimed me to be after all. It enraged me. I was angry at myself for not being there at the time when she was killed. Angry for letting something so horrible happen to the best thing that happened in my life. I couldn't live with myself.

Her death, caused me to be a monster.

And I don't want Amanda to turn into a monster like I have.

That's when I said something I knew she wouldn't expect, especially from me. "I understand."

"You do?" Amanda asked me with evident befuddlement, her voice barely audible.

"Tinkerbell was my sister, remember? I loved her. When she died, I was crushed.....I still am. So yes, I do understand."

Amanda's dear look merely showed off her sympathy for me. "I'm sorry, Peter. I really am. This is a sacrifice I have to make. I have no other choice, but to die." She paused to take a soft, yet quivery, breath. "But it will be worth it if Alexander lives."

But I can't let that happen. I can't just simply let the person I deeply care for die. No, not after I lost my sister. Amanda has so much more to live for. She deserves to live a happy life.